Goals for 2012

1. Walk up stairs without getting winded. Any amount of stairs, really...even when I was in great shape, stairs got me. WTHeck, stairs?!

2. Use espanol more often. I sometimes surprise myself with the way I can hablo espanol if I have to. Maybe I will hablar espanol fluently by el fin de ano...nunca sabes. (I feel like that is some legitimate Spanish I just threw down...look at me accomplishing my goals already).

3. Turn 25 (ga-ross!!). I am finally to the point in my life when I feel old. It seems everyone is like 18 these days. For some reason, I feel like I'm too old to do certain things, hang out with certain people, go certain places, etc. I know it's not really THAT old...but this is the first age that has really hit me. I hope I can live through this one. Any and all advice on living as a 25 yr old is welcomed.

4. Accomplish at least one of the above goals before 2013. I feel like 2013 is going to be full of a lot of adult things. Lots of serious goals. So, I need to just knock one of these things out before I have to set real goals and accomplish real things in my life. Oh 2013...why are you coming so quickly already?

Oh...and maybe stop biting my cheeks all the freaking time. It's really getting out of hand.

An unnecessarily long "reflection" post...

In the midst of the Christmas season, and as the year comes to a close, I usually find myself reflecting on my life a lot more than I usually do. Or maybe it’s because I’m done with the semester and I have time to give to my own thoughts. Whatever. Anyways, this year’s reflection feels different than the ones in the past. I actually feel older, wiser, more grown-up, blah blah blah. (I know, I know…hard to believe, isn’t it?). This year has been a year that I’ve looked back on how I would have handled certain situations years ago, and it seems to be different (and I think better) than the ways I would have chosen before. I think the biggest example is living life with a relatively low level of stress/anxiety/worry.

The other day my mom and I were talking about how people cope with stress and she reminded me about how crazy I got before taking the LSAT, and I brought up how crazy I was when I couldn’t control certain situations throughout my volleyball career. I would stress and worry about things so much that I would make myself sick. Not anxiety-attack-sick, but I would let my stress take over my immune system and get colds, the flu, sinus infections, bronchitis, anything really. In high school I got a sinus infection/bronchitis every single fall. It would come about a month into the volleyball season. It was a weird thing, but now I look back and fully believe it was because I stressed out about being the best. I worried so much about things I couldn’t control. I would do my best and work my hardest – that, I could control – but then I’d still let other things worry me. I would stress about how coaches and teammates would respond to my efforts, and worry about what I deserved versus what I actually got. Because I was so driven, my coaches pushed me and put a lot of pressure on me to be the best…something I didn’t appreciate until I learned that I couldn’t control their words and actions, only my own.

Taking the LSAT killed me because I didn’t want to fail at something. It was the first time in my head that failure was actually likely. I worried about failing before, but I always knew that I wouldn’t actually fail at something. Preparing for law school, on the other hand, got to me. I didn’t even study for the LSAT because it would overwhelm me every time I pulled out an LSAT study book. I made it through about two practice tests total to prepare for the actual test. Let me tell you, that is not adequate preparation. I made myself sick while applying to law schools. I thought for sure that I wouldn’t get in, or that I would be embarrassed by my scores, or that I would have to choose a new life-plan. And, of course, that was all silly. I got a decent LSAT score, I got in to more than one school, and I didn’t have to choose a new life plan. At the time, it seemed like a miracle, but it really wasn’t. It was the reasonable result that I couldn’t see or understand before-the-fact.

It’s surprising how much I have changed. I thought it would be even more difficult for me to control my worry/stress in law school. I thought I would be constantly sick trying to be the best and worrying about failing at something. I sent my mom an email last September, about a month into law school, and said this:

Usually I get myself sick cuz I stress myself out way too much or I get exhausted from expecting too much of myself. I thought this would kill me in law school, but surprisingly, I'm feeling great! There have only been a few days so far that I have felt completely overwhelmed. Otherwise, it's really not bad. I was SCARED to death the first week of school and soon realized I was making it way harder than it was. So now it's fairly easy (i don't wanna say "easy" because I can still bomb finals...but class is easy). It's a lot of reading and a lot of work, but I enjoy having a challenge for once in my life. I like figuring out the complex cases and I am SO happy in class when the professor says what I have written on my notes. There have, of course, been days when I have no idea what's going on and wonder if the professor is teaching from the same pages I read...but I've gotten through them without a panic attack. I think that year off really helped me with not being so particular and worried. Or maybe I just grew up. Or maybe my mind just figured life out. Either way, I am proud of myself for not being a stress case worry wart all the time.

And guess what? This has been the case for my entire law school experience thus far. Things that should be stressful and worrisome to me haven’t affected me. Don’t get me wrong, it has been stressful. It has been a lot of work. But I can only do the things that I can control, and the rest is not worth worrying about – a fact I have lived my whole life without realizing.

I think I will always want things to be perfect. I will always expect things in a particular way. I will continue to be a little bit OCD when it comes to organizing my planner, my school work, my life…but I have learned to just let a lot go. I don’t start fights when I don’t get my way or when people/things aren’t acting the exact way I think they should. I have more patience. I have let go of a LOT of my stubbornness…a fact that I don’t think people care to notice. I can admit that I’m wrong. I love to be right, but I realize, finally, that I don’t actually know everything. WHAT?! Yeah…it was a shock to me too.

I have just realized the important things in life. Don’t sweat the small stuff, right?! I realize I am beyond blessed. It has really hit me this year that I have had such a blessed life with so many opportunities and experiences that have helped me learn and grow-up to become the person I am now. I have always gotten good grades, even in law school. I have been able to participate in dance classes, performing groups, church groups, and play several different sports -- one at the collegiate level. I have always had amazing friends, many that I still have and will always have. I have an amazing family that is funny, kind, supportive, and close. I have cousins/aunts/uncles/grandparents that are my best friends. I have been able to participate in several leadership positions. I have experienced loss and trials, but have never really experienced failure. I cannot imagine having a pessimistic view on life. I have really put my eye on the “big picture” lately, and it is hard to experience sadness or stress when I know that I’ll get through it, one day at a time, knowing that there is happiness to come. Life is great. Why bother with stress and worry? Do everything YOU can. Work through what YOU can control. Don’t let what you THINK might happen interfere with the greatness that CAN happen.

I’m happy to be alive. I’m glad I have grown-up. I’m glad that I’ve had stressful times in my life that have taught me more about myself. I’m okay with the “hard” times, because I can look at each trial in my life now and see the things I learned from it and the part of me that changed because of it. I know it sounds cliché, but the hard times really were good times. I can’t complain. I guess I have next year to look forward to. Dare I say I might grow-up even more?!

My Amazing Family

I love my family. I miss them a lot. This post by my cousin made me miss them even more (click here). This is a true story folks...nothing was added for drama or humor purposes. Enjoy!

In other news...I'm really domestic. Yay me. I bake banana bread. I feel like making any type of bread is very mom-ish. I even made some little muffin sized breads for easy snacking. (Made one loaf without chocolate chips for the "healthy" eaters around here). This is what I did this afternoon to procrastinate doing schoolwork on a holiday. Wayyyy better than research and reading...and much tastier.

I can procrastinate a little today...because I got a TON done on Saturday. I was pretty pleased with myself. There is always more work that can be done, but I was pretty darn productive considering it was the first college football Saturday of the season. I solved that dilemma fairly easily:

This was my set-up at my carrel on Saturday. Outline on one half of my screen, the game on the other. This is during the BYU game...it ended with only 10 minutes left until the BSU game. Sooo I had a lot of time to get a lot done. Eventually I let the game take over my whole screen and bagged the whole outline thing...but I was very good for the most part.

School is already keeping me very busy. I have two classes that are ending mid-semester, so they move pretty quickly. Plus I am doing Law Review, which is just extra work on top of classes. I do 1 night of editing a week. Doesn't sound too bad, huh? Well, what if I told you that it's 6 of us in a little office, each editing 2 pages of a journal article FOR 4.5 HOURS? Yeah...not an ideal weekly activity...but it is what it is. In addition to that, we each write a 25 page review article throughout the year. Deadlines are set throughout the semester...so staying on top of that keeps me plenty busy as well. Then add class reading, eating, and sleeping...pretty much takes up all the hours in a day.

I am sooo grateful I was able to come back with a bunch of good friends in Moscow, though. Brenda is my roommate again...which saves me from insanity. I honestly don't know what I'd do without her in this little town. I also have a couple really close friends from school that make the crazy law school life bearable. Powder-puff football intramurals are starting up this week...so that will be a good release of stress. Our little law school team does pretty well and we always have tons of fun.

Otherwise, life is good. I can't really complain (though I often want to). I was called to the Stake Relief Society Presidency, which is a little overwhelming with everything else going on in my life, but...I guess I'll make the best of it. And that means more blessings, right?! RIGHT?! (That's what I keep telling myself).

It already seems like summer was SOOOO long ago. Time is playing a rude trick on me, making me feel like I've been in school much longer than 2 weeks. But bring it on, time! I'll show you! (...by blogging instead of utilizing you wisely with schoolwork and productive activities). Oops :)

Annnd another installment of "Kids Say the Darndest Things"

It's my last week of work at the Boys&Girls Club. It is super sad this summer because I won't be returning next summer to be with my kids again. Kind of weird because I have been at the club every summer since it opened in Kuna :(

Anywhoo..the kids have been hilarious and also quite sentimental lately, so I thought I'd share some things that make me chuckle.

One of my favorite boys looks like Harry Potter. He is going into 2nd grade and is an only child. So one day I was talking about my sisters and my brother and this boys says, "I really want a brother".

I say, "well, you can have mine...I don't need him".

Boy responds, "Really? Okay. Is he nice?".

"Yeah. He's really nice. He's just a regular teenage boy. Kinda weird."

"Okay. I'll have him."

"K. I'll bring him to the club in a box for you. He's all yours."

So most kids would probably forget about this conversation, or realize that people don't REALLY give brothers away in a box. BUT not this kid. Every day he comes to me and says, "Maren, you SAID you'd bring me your brother. I really want a brother." Ohhh man. He is the cutest and I just don't know how to break it to him that I'm not going to box my brother Reed up and send him away. So I am still currently dealing with this issue and I have yet to tell this boy that he is out of luck on the whole brother thing. Soooo cute.

This one involves the same boy. Please keep in mind during this story that his father is a police officer.

I told some of the kids that I wanted to pack them up and take them home and to school with me because I will just miss them too much. They all laugh and one of the older ones says that I can't kidnap children. I told them that I wouldn't ACTUALLY kidnap them because I don't want the police to track me down. They all laugh again. Sooo...we're assuming they all know this is a joke, right?!

Well as I'm leaving work last night this same boy stops me in the hall and says, "I'm coming home with you. You said you wanted to take us home!"

"Well...I can't really kidnap children."

"Can I have a hall-pass? Let me just call my dad."

"Ohhh....ummm...you don't need to ask your dad. I can't take you with me."

"But I really want to come to your house with you. I'll give you my phone number and you can just talk to my dad."

Yeah...I guess this boy just doesn't know when I'm joking. I am realllllly hoping he doesn't go home and tell his police officer dad that I want to kidnap him and I'm planning on taking him to my house. I promise I'm not a creep. But I guess we could kill two birds with one stone and I could bring him home and then let him take my brother with him when he leaves. Hm.

One of my 3rd graders last summer legitimately thought he could beat me in a race. He talked and talked about it and I would just laugh...until he started trash talking and telling me I would lose because I was a girl and I was old and yada yada yada. Sooo I decide to race him. He was fast...but he was a 3rd grader. Of course I'm going to beat him. So I did.

So the other day we're sitting outside reminiscing about that funny time and one of the boys that wasn't there for the event says, "Well, I bet IIIII could beat you." The boy that I beat looks at this kid, puts his hands up, looks almost panicked, and says "YOU REALLY DON'T WANT TO DO THAT!" haha. I wish I could show you through blog how this kid said it. It was as if he never wanted anyone to have to race me again. So...I didn't race this new challenger because he quickly backed off. I chuckled all afternoon.

Finally, I will share just a couple sentimental moments. Sharing them all would make me sad and take up too much blog. But this kid was my 3rd grader last summer (and one of my favorites). Today he came up to me and put his arm around me to walk down the hall. He looked up at me and said, "Maren. I want school to start. But I wish we could make this week never end because I don't want to say goodbye to you. I would rather never go to school if I could see you everyday." Awww. Melt. My. Heart why dontcha?

This kid hasn't been to the club a whole lot this summer, but was in my age group last summer. He was talking about how he was going to come back to the club full-time next summer and one of my kids said, "Maren's not coming back next summer"...the kid responded, "then I'm not either. Wouldn't even be worth it."

Gosh. If only people in real life loved me that much!

So Long Sweet Summer

So today I spent my hour long break from work doing school stuff. Yeah, school doesn't start for 3 weeks, but there is plenty to be done. As I went through emails and started getting a few things done, I realized there is a lot I should have already done and there is plenty more to be done in the next couple weeks. Ugh. Law school fail. I answered some emails, deleted emails that I missed deadlines for (oops), took a gander at my book list, re-read instructions for law review, researched topics for law review, stressed over my fall schedule, emailed academic advisers about my fall schedule, looked over my fall schedule, worried, and made NO final decisions. Productive? A bit. Satisfying and relieving? Not at all.

The past year has gone by so fast. Last year at this time I was getting ready to start my law school journey. I had no idea what I was in for. I was scared, but excited. Nervous, but ready. (to read what I felt the week before school started, click HERE...I laugh at that post now because those things became so routine to me and it really wasn't all that bad). As frightened as I was, I surprised myself with how well I adjusted and how well I did in school. I was really happy with my entire year and I accomplished things that I never imagined I would. I even LIKED school here and there (crazy, I know). It's hard work, but it was somewhat rewarding.

I'm not scared this time around. However, I am still a tad stressed about starting school again. This fall is going to be hard work. Probably the hardest semester yet. I wish I felt ready to conquer the challenge, but I find myself feeling nervous and inadequate once again. I know once I get back into the swing of things I'll feel better and it will just feel like regular old school again...but until then, I might freak out a bit. I was telling an old teammate about how I felt and she said, "but isn't that what you're good at?...freaking out?!". And I guess she's right. I put a lot of pressure on myself and freak/stress out a lot...but I do it because it motivates me I guess. I like pressure. Sooo as nervous as I am, I'm glad I have a challenge ahead. (Stay tuned).

Looking back on the past year, it is a blur. It really did fly by faster than any year of my life up to this point. It's one of those years that you look back on and wonder if it even happened. My fear is that my 2L and 3L years will go just as fast. I am going to be spit into the real working world too soon. I sure hope I like my job too...because starting a career at 26...that's a longggg life of the same old same old. Let's just hope time slows down and allows for me to grow up a little bit. I wonder when I'm supposed to FEEL older and grown-up? I'm still waiting. Maybe at 25. I'll let you know. For now, I'm going to try my best to enjoy the last little bit of summer without stressing out. K...ready...GO!

Have I ever mentioned that I LOVE my family? Cuz I do. Absolutely love them.

4th of July weekend:

SO good to see the Colorado cousins. We hadn't seen their whole family in such a long time! They came for the weekend and we were able to chat and eat and party a bit. Sadly, they weren't able to attend the classic Melba Fireworks with us, but we enjoyed the time we had with them.

Harry Potter 7 Part 2:

Now...this was a BIG deal. We have been planning on seeing the last HP movie together since we all saw the 5th movie premier together several years ago. My cousins from Mesa came up, as well as cousins from Utah and my Uncle Quin (who isn't even a HP fan, but came for the fun). We made Deathly Hallows shirts and took up 14 seats in the theater. I can't believe the magic of HP is all over. What a sad time in our lives! I'm glad we got to do it all together though.

Gabe's 100th Bday Bash:

Our beloved dog, Gabe, has recently turned 100 dog years old. The event had to be celebrated. We wore party hats (so did Gabe), played Gabe Bingo, and partied pretty hard. We ended the night watching My Dog Skip. If you haven't seen it, you need to. I feel the party was quite a success and we're hoping we can celebrate 150 years before he leaves us.

As you can see, my summer has been going GREAT! I can't believe in 5 short weeks I will be back in school. AHH! Every time I think about it I get overwhelmed. This fall is going to be a nightmare. Even so, I am kind of ready to be back to my structured schedule/life. I probably won't feel that way once classes start, but for now I think that's what I feel. haha.

I love my summer job and I am a little sad that it is coming to a close very soon. My kids make me laugh every day. I wish I could take them all to school with me because they are so supportive and encouraging (well...most of the time...i've had 2 days this summer that i've wanted to hurt them, but other than that, I have loved every second :) ohhh kids).

Oh summer. You have been good to me.

SYTYCD

Abby and I should not be allowed to watch So You Think You Can Dance. We get too many killer ideas for our dance crew. Choreo queens in the house! (I am laughing pretty hard right now...I kill myself sometimes).