Just M.E.

Goals for 2012

2012-01-03T15:49:00.001-08:00

1. Walk up stairs without getting winded. Any amount of stairs, really...even when I was in great shape, stairs got me. WTHeck, stairs?!

2. Use espanol more often. I sometimes surprise myself with the way I can hablo espanol if I have to. Maybe I will hablar espanol fluently by el fin de ano...nunca sabes. (I feel like that is some legitimate Spanish I just threw down...look at me accomplishing my goals already).

3. Turn 25 (ga-ross!!). I am finally to the point in my life when I feel old. It seems everyone is like 18 these days. For some reason, I feel like I'm too old to do certain things, hang out with certain people, go certain places, etc. I know it's not really THAT old...but this is the first age that has really hit me. I hope I can live through this one. Any and all advice on living as a 25 yr old is welcomed.

4. Accomplish at least one of the above goals before 2013. I feel like 2013 is going to be full of a lot of adult things. Lots of serious goals. So, I need to just knock one of these things out before I have to set real goals and accomplish real things in my life. Oh 2013...why are you coming so quickly already?

Oh...and maybe stop biting my cheeks all the freaking time. It's really getting out of hand.

An unnecessarily long "reflection" post...

2011-12-16T22:49:00.001-08:00

In the midst of the Christmas season, and as the year comes to a close, I usually find myself reflecting on my life a lot more than I usually do. Or maybe it’s because I’m done with the semester and I have time to give to my own thoughts. Whatever. Anyways, this year’s reflection feels different than the ones in the past. I actually feel older, wiser, more grown-up, blah blah blah. (I know, I know…hard to believe, isn’t it?). This year has been a year that I’ve looked back on how I would have handled certain situations years ago, and it seems to be different (and I think better) than the ways I would have chosen before. I think the biggest example is living life with a relatively low level of stress/anxiety/worry.

The other day my mom and I were talking about how people cope with stress and she reminded me about how crazy I got before taking the LSAT, and I brought up how crazy I was when I couldn’t control certain situations throughout my volleyball career. I would stress and worry about things so much that I would make myself sick. Not anxiety-attack-sick, but I would let my stress take over my immune system and get colds, the flu, sinus infections, bronchitis, anything really. In high school I got a sinus infection/bronchitis every single fall. It would come about a month into the volleyball season. It was a weird thing, but now I look back and fully believe it was because I stressed out about being the best. I worried so much about things I couldn’t control. I would do my best and work my hardest – that, I could control – but then I’d still let other things worry me. I would stress about how coaches and teammates would respond to my efforts, and worry about what I deserved versus what I actually got. Because I was so driven, my coaches pushed me and put a lot of pressure on me to be the best…something I didn’t appreciate until I learned that I couldn’t control their words and actions, only my own.

Taking the LSAT killed me because I didn’t want to fail at something. It was the first time in my head that failure was actually likely. I worried about failing before, but I always knew that I wouldn’t actually fail at something. Preparing for law school, on the other hand, got to me. I didn’t even study for the LSAT because it would overwhelm me every time I pulled out an LSAT study book. I made it through about two practice tests total to prepare for the actual test. Let me tell you, that is not adequate preparation. I made myself sick while applying to law schools. I thought for sure that I wouldn’t get in, or that I would be embarrassed by my scores, or that I would have to choose a new life-plan. And, of course, that was all silly. I got a decent LSAT score, I got in to more than one school, and I didn’t have to choose a new life plan. At the time, it seemed like a miracle, but it really wasn’t. It was the reasonable result that I couldn’t see or understand before-the-fact.

It’s surprising how much I have changed. I thought it would be even more difficult for me to control my worry/stress in law school. I thought I would be constantly sick trying to be the best and worrying about failing at something. I sent my mom an email last September, about a month into law school, and said this:

Usually I get myself sick cuz I stress myself out way too much or I get exhausted from expecting too much of myself. I thought this would kill me in law school, but surprisingly, I'm feeling great! There have only been a few days so far that I have felt completely overwhelmed. Otherwise, it's really not bad. I was SCARED to death the first week of school and soon realized I was making it way harder than it was. So now it's fairly easy (i don't wanna say "easy" because I can still bomb finals...but class is easy). It's a lot of reading and a lot of work, but I enjoy having a challenge for once in my life. I like figuring out the complex cases and I am SO happy in class when the professor says what I have written on my notes. There have, of course, been days when I have no idea what's going on and wonder if the professor is teaching from the same pages I read...but I've gotten through them without a panic attack. I think that year off really helped me with not being so particular and worried. Or maybe I just grew up. Or maybe my mind just figured life out. Either way, I am proud of myself for not being a stress case worry wart all the time.

And guess what? This has been the case for my entire law school experience thus far. Things that should be stressful and worrisome to me haven’t affected me. Don’t get me wrong, it has been stressful. It has been a lot of work. But I can only do the things that I can control, and the rest is not worth worrying about – a fact I have lived my whole life without realizing.

I think I will always want things to be perfect. I will always expect things in a particular way. I will continue to be a little bit OCD when it comes to organizing my planner, my school work, my life…but I have learned to just let a lot go. I don’t start fights when I don’t get my way or when people/things aren’t acting the exact way I think they should. I have more patience. I have let go of a LOT of my stubbornness…a fact that I don’t think people care to notice. I can admit that I’m wrong. I love to be right, but I realize, finally, that I don’t actually know everything. WHAT?! Yeah…it was a shock to me too.

I have just realized the important things in life. Don’t sweat the small stuff, right?! I realize I am beyond blessed. It has really hit me this year that I have had such a blessed life with so many opportunities and experiences that have helped me learn and grow-up to become the person I am now. I have always gotten good grades, even in law school. I have been able to participate in dance classes, performing groups, church groups, and play several different sports -- one at the collegiate level. I have always had amazing friends, many that I still have and will always have. I have an amazing family that is funny, kind, supportive, and close. I have cousins/aunts/uncles/grandparents that are my best friends. I have been able to participate in several leadership positions. I have experienced loss and trials, but have never really experienced failure. I cannot imagine having a pessimistic view on life. I have really put my eye on the “big picture” lately, and it is hard to experience sadness or stress when I know that I’ll get through it, one day at a time, knowing that there is happiness to come. Life is great. Why bother with stress and worry? Do everything YOU can. Work through what YOU can control. Don’t let what you THINK might happen interfere with the greatness that CAN happen.

I’m happy to be alive. I’m glad I have grown-up. I’m glad that I’ve had stressful times in my life that have taught me more about myself. I’m okay with the “hard” times, because I can look at each trial in my life now and see the things I learned from it and the part of me that changed because of it. I know it sounds cliché, but the hard times really were good times. I can’t complain. I guess I have next year to look forward to. Dare I say I might grow-up even more?!

My Amazing Family

2011-09-05T13:27:00.000-07:00

I love my family. I miss them a lot. This post by my cousin made me miss them even more (click here). This is a true story folks...nothing was added for drama or humor purposes. Enjoy!

In other news...I'm really domestic. Yay me. I bake banana bread. I feel like making any type of bread is very mom-ish. I even made some little muffin sized breads for easy snacking. (Made one loaf without chocolate chips for the "healthy" eaters around here). This is what I did this afternoon to procrastinate doing schoolwork on a holiday. Wayyyy better than research and reading...and much tastier.

I can procrastinate a little today...because I got a TON done on Saturday. I was pretty pleased with myself. There is always more work that can be done, but I was pretty darn productive considering it was the first college football Saturday of the season. I solved that dilemma fairly easily:

This was my set-up at my carrel on Saturday. Outline on one half of my screen, the game on the other. This is during the BYU game...it ended with only 10 minutes left until the BSU game. Sooo I had a lot of time to get a lot done. Eventually I let the game take over my whole screen and bagged the whole outline thing...but I was very good for the most part.

School is already keeping me very busy. I have two classes that are ending mid-semester, so they move pretty quickly. Plus I am doing Law Review, which is just extra work on top of classes. I do 1 night of editing a week. Doesn't sound too bad, huh? Well, what if I told you that it's 6 of us in a little office, each editing 2 pages of a journal article FOR 4.5 HOURS? Yeah...not an ideal weekly activity...but it is what it is. In addition to that, we each write a 25 page review article throughout the year. Deadlines are set throughout the semester...so staying on top of that keeps me plenty busy as well. Then add class reading, eating, and sleeping...pretty much takes up all the hours in a day.

I am sooo grateful I was able to come back with a bunch of good friends in Moscow, though. Brenda is my roommate again...which saves me from insanity. I honestly don't know what I'd do without her in this little town. I also have a couple really close friends from school that make the crazy law school life bearable. Powder-puff football intramurals are starting up this week...so that will be a good release of stress. Our little law school team does pretty well and we always have tons of fun.

Otherwise, life is good. I can't really complain (though I often want to). I was called to the Stake Relief Society Presidency, which is a little overwhelming with everything else going on in my life, but...I guess I'll make the best of it. And that means more blessings, right?! RIGHT?! (That's what I keep telling myself).

It already seems like summer was SOOOO long ago. Time is playing a rude trick on me, making me feel like I've been in school much longer than 2 weeks. But bring it on, time! I'll show you! (...by blogging instead of utilizing you wisely with schoolwork and productive activities). Oops :)

Annnd another installment of "Kids Say the Darndest Things"

2011-08-02T17:38:00.000-07:00

It's my last week of work at the Boys&Girls Club. It is super sad this summer because I won't be returning next summer to be with my kids again. Kind of weird because I have been at the club every summer since it opened in Kuna :(

Anywhoo..the kids have been hilarious and also quite sentimental lately, so I thought I'd share some things that make me chuckle.

One of my favorite boys looks like Harry Potter. He is going into 2nd grade and is an only child. So one day I was talking about my sisters and my brother and this boys says, "I really want a brother".

I say, "well, you can have mine...I don't need him".

Boy responds, "Really? Okay. Is he nice?".

"Yeah. He's really nice. He's just a regular teenage boy. Kinda weird."

"Okay. I'll have him."

"K. I'll bring him to the club in a box for you. He's all yours."

So most kids would probably forget about this conversation, or realize that people don't REALLY give brothers away in a box. BUT not this kid. Every day he comes to me and says, "Maren, you SAID you'd bring me your brother. I really want a brother." Ohhh man. He is the cutest and I just don't know how to break it to him that I'm not going to box my brother Reed up and send him away. So I am still currently dealing with this issue and I have yet to tell this boy that he is out of luck on the whole brother thing. Soooo cute.

This one involves the same boy. Please keep in mind during this story that his father is a police officer.

I told some of the kids that I wanted to pack them up and take them home and to school with me because I will just miss them too much. They all laugh and one of the older ones says that I can't kidnap children. I told them that I wouldn't ACTUALLY kidnap them because I don't want the police to track me down. They all laugh again. Sooo...we're assuming they all know this is a joke, right?!

Well as I'm leaving work last night this same boy stops me in the hall and says, "I'm coming home with you. You said you wanted to take us home!"

"Well...I can't really kidnap children."

"Can I have a hall-pass? Let me just call my dad."

"Ohhh....ummm...you don't need to ask your dad. I can't take you with me."

"But I really want to come to your house with you. I'll give you my phone number and you can just talk to my dad."

Yeah...I guess this boy just doesn't know when I'm joking. I am realllllly hoping he doesn't go home and tell his police officer dad that I want to kidnap him and I'm planning on taking him to my house. I promise I'm not a creep. But I guess we could kill two birds with one stone and I could bring him home and then let him take my brother with him when he leaves. Hm.

One of my 3rd graders last summer legitimately thought he could beat me in a race. He talked and talked about it and I would just laugh...until he started trash talking and telling me I would lose because I was a girl and I was old and yada yada yada. Sooo I decide to race him. He was fast...but he was a 3rd grader. Of course I'm going to beat him. So I did.

So the other day we're sitting outside reminiscing about that funny time and one of the boys that wasn't there for the event says, "Well, I bet IIIII could beat you." The boy that I beat looks at this kid, puts his hands up, looks almost panicked, and says "YOU REALLY DON'T WANT TO DO THAT!" haha. I wish I could show you through blog how this kid said it. It was as if he never wanted anyone to have to race me again. So...I didn't race this new challenger because he quickly backed off. I chuckled all afternoon.

Finally, I will share just a couple sentimental moments. Sharing them all would make me sad and take up too much blog. But this kid was my 3rd grader last summer (and one of my favorites). Today he came up to me and put his arm around me to walk down the hall. He looked up at me and said, "Maren. I want school to start. But I wish we could make this week never end because I don't want to say goodbye to you. I would rather never go to school if I could see you everyday." Awww. Melt. My. Heart why dontcha?

This kid hasn't been to the club a whole lot this summer, but was in my age group last summer. He was talking about how he was going to come back to the club full-time next summer and one of my kids said, "Maren's not coming back next summer"...the kid responded, "then I'm not either. Wouldn't even be worth it."

Gosh. If only people in real life loved me that much!

So Long Sweet Summer

2011-08-02T17:06:00.000-07:00

So today I spent my hour long break from work doing school stuff. Yeah, school doesn't start for 3 weeks, but there is plenty to be done. As I went through emails and started getting a few things done, I realized there is a lot I should have already done and there is plenty more to be done in the next couple weeks. Ugh. Law school fail. I answered some emails, deleted emails that I missed deadlines for (oops), took a gander at my book list, re-read instructions for law review, researched topics for law review, stressed over my fall schedule, emailed academic advisers about my fall schedule, looked over my fall schedule, worried, and made NO final decisions. Productive? A bit. Satisfying and relieving? Not at all.

The past year has gone by so fast. Last year at this time I was getting ready to start my law school journey. I had no idea what I was in for. I was scared, but excited. Nervous, but ready. (to read what I felt the week before school started, click HERE...I laugh at that post now because those things became so routine to me and it really wasn't all that bad). As frightened as I was, I surprised myself with how well I adjusted and how well I did in school. I was really happy with my entire year and I accomplished things that I never imagined I would. I even LIKED school here and there (crazy, I know). It's hard work, but it was somewhat rewarding.

I'm not scared this time around. However, I am still a tad stressed about starting school again. This fall is going to be hard work. Probably the hardest semester yet. I wish I felt ready to conquer the challenge, but I find myself feeling nervous and inadequate once again. I know once I get back into the swing of things I'll feel better and it will just feel like regular old school again...but until then, I might freak out a bit. I was telling an old teammate about how I felt and she said, "but isn't that what you're good at?...freaking out?!". And I guess she's right. I put a lot of pressure on myself and freak/stress out a lot...but I do it because it motivates me I guess. I like pressure. Sooo as nervous as I am, I'm glad I have a challenge ahead. (Stay tuned).

Looking back on the past year, it is a blur. It really did fly by faster than any year of my life up to this point. It's one of those years that you look back on and wonder if it even happened. My fear is that my 2L and 3L years will go just as fast. I am going to be spit into the real working world too soon. I sure hope I like my job too...because starting a career at 26...that's a longggg life of the same old same old. Let's just hope time slows down and allows for me to grow up a little bit. I wonder when I'm supposed to FEEL older and grown-up? I'm still waiting. Maybe at 25. I'll let you know. For now, I'm going to try my best to enjoy the last little bit of summer without stressing out. K...ready...GO!

2011-07-17T15:28:00.000-07:00

Have I ever mentioned that I LOVE my family? Cuz I do. Absolutely love them.

4th of July weekend:

SO good to see the Colorado cousins. We hadn't seen their whole family in such a long time! They came for the weekend and we were able to chat and eat and party a bit. Sadly, they weren't able to attend the classic Melba Fireworks with us, but we enjoyed the time we had with them.

Harry Potter 7 Part 2:

Now...this was a BIG deal. We have been planning on seeing the last HP movie together since we all saw the 5th movie premier together several years ago. My cousins from Mesa came up, as well as cousins from Utah and my Uncle Quin (who isn't even a HP fan, but came for the fun). We made Deathly Hallows shirts and took up 14 seats in the theater. I can't believe the magic of HP is all over. What a sad time in our lives! I'm glad we got to do it all together though.

Gabe's 100th Bday Bash:

Our beloved dog, Gabe, has recently turned 100 dog years old. The event had to be celebrated. We wore party hats (so did Gabe), played Gabe Bingo, and partied pretty hard. We ended the night watching My Dog Skip. If you haven't seen it, you need to. I feel the party was quite a success and we're hoping we can celebrate 150 years before he leaves us.

As you can see, my summer has been going GREAT! I can't believe in 5 short weeks I will be back in school. AHH! Every time I think about it I get overwhelmed. This fall is going to be a nightmare. Even so, I am kind of ready to be back to my structured schedule/life. I probably won't feel that way once classes start, but for now I think that's what I feel. haha.

I love my summer job and I am a little sad that it is coming to a close very soon. My kids make me laugh every day. I wish I could take them all to school with me because they are so supportive and encouraging (well...most of the time...i've had 2 days this summer that i've wanted to hurt them, but other than that, I have loved every second :) ohhh kids).

Oh summer. You have been good to me.

SYTYCD

2011-06-27T19:52:00.000-07:00

Abby and I should not be allowed to watch So You Think You Can Dance. We get too many killer ideas for our dance crew. Choreo queens in the house! (I am laughing pretty hard right now...I kill myself sometimes).

Kids Say The Darndest Things

2011-06-26T14:57:00.000-07:00

I try to remember every funny thing that the kids say to me everyday. If it's worthy, I come home and write it down. I look back at my list of funny things sometimes and it cheers me right up. I shall share some:

A 1st/2nd grader says to me:
"You are just a kid. Why don't you act like you're 24?" Well, dear, acting 24 is boring and way lame.

One of my 5th/6th graders shouts to my group after grabbing my arm to get my attention:
"Hey, you've got some flab. Everyone! Look at Maren's flabby arms!" (then he continues to poke at my arms) If that isn't incentive to lift some weights, I don't know what is. Well, it wasn't enough incentive I guess.

A 1st/2nd grader tells me so matter-of-factly:
"You are so tall. Not as tall as my grandma though. She's 8 foot." Of course she is. Now wouldn't that be cool if her gma really WAS 8 ft tall and I'm the crazy one for not believing her...

One of my 5th/6th grade girls:
"What ethnicity are you?"...(i tell her I'm just white/caucasian)..."That's it?...Are you SURE? You should make sure." Okay...I'll go home and check the family history again. Just to make sure.

One of my 5th/6th graders from my first summer at the club was telling her friend about the staff...while I'm sitting right next to them, mind you (she was just visiting and she is now going into 8th grade):
"Yeah, Maren's awesome most of the day, but she gets grumpy towards the end." Oh they know me so well. Usually grumpy Maren just needs a snack and a break from hearing "Maren Maren Maren Maren". Who ever thought you'd get so sick of hearing your name? Sometimes I get home from work and I hear my name and I instantly am like, "WHATTT?!" oops...

A 3rd/4th grader announces while I'm playing lightning with a group of boys:
"Maren counts as a boy and a girl...cuz she's cool like a boy, but she's still a girl." I'mmm not sure how that works, but I'll take it.

Our first dress-up day at the club was pajama day. Cami and I are standing there in our PJs and a 1st/2nd grader looks at us for a minute and then says:
"And you guys GET PAID FOR THIS?!" hahaha. Not well...but isn't it AWESOME?!

Two of my 5th/6th grade boys:
"Maren, you're single, right?"...other kid, "It's about time you get a boyfriend"...other kid, "yeah, his name is Derek and he's a professional biker" Oh good. Just what I need...10 yr old match-makers.

I don't remember what I did to deserve this, but I was talking to a few 1st/2nd graders:
First girl to me, "You're WEIRD!"...other girl defending me, "No, she's just different"...first girl, "No, she's pretty mental!" The girls and I laughed about that for awhile after. She's def a good judge of character.

More Drama: from an 11 yr old's journal entries...

2011-06-18T10:21:00.001-07:00

Well...remember that identical journal entry I said I probably had? I found one. It's not identical, but it's pretty dang similar. Now, seeing as Father's Day is tomorrow, please know that all feelings expressed in this entry are not real/lasting. I don't want anyone to think that I still hate my dad...I probs only hated him for a night (well...probably several nights throughout my pre-teen/teenage years, but you understand). Every parent gets to hear "I hate you" their fair share, right?! Anyways, here's a peek into my 11 yr old life:

July 3, 1998
Write now I have to sit on my bed, my dad made me just cause I said I don't want to wash. Now I can't sleep in the tent with everyone else. I hate my family sometimes. I had to pick a number between 1 and 20 and we were fighting over drying dishes, I got the closest to the number and my dad made me wash - when I got the closest! He told Elsina to pick 1-2-3-4 or 5 and she picked 5 and so she didn't have to wash - He favored Elsina. I'm so mat at my dad - he acts like he doesn't like me and he likes Elsina better.

The real sad part...the entry ended with this:

That'll show him...crossed him out as if he's not my dad. Brutal. I guess that's what ya get if you like Elsina better. haha. Oh dear. How dramatic was I?!

Don't worry...there's more. When my family moved from Layton, UT to Kuna, ID, I was not happy. You can't move a dramatic 11 year old to another state right before the 6th grade. This will be the result:

And finally...one last little thing that I was CRACKING UP about the other day. There are a series of entries that I wrote while mad at my family:

Aug. 21, 1998
We're in our new house. I hate it. It craps. Why did we have to come here? Tonight I'm sleeping in the bathroom tub. Tonight me and Elsina got in a fight, now everybody is against me everybody hates me.

Aug. 22, 1998
I've locked myself in my bedroom and I'm not getting out. I hate my life. I never ended up sleeping in the tub.

(later on Aug. 22)
Dad got mad and said "alright just write in your stupid journal". Then I heard him talking to mom, he said, "well, if I didn't let her she would be balling all night". My dad always says he never says anything bad about me but I guess he lies. Today a tractor on the other street caught on fire. It was exciting. Well, dad just asked Elsina a mean question about me!
Bye
Maren (the hated)

My favorite parts: "it craps"...what the heck? What does that even mean? haha. "I never ended up sleeping in the tub"...this makes me laugh because I legitimately remember getting our red quilt and my pillow and setting up camp in the bathroom. I wonder what went wrong. "My dad always says he never says anything bad about me but I guess he lies"...oh dramatic little Maren, bless your heart. And finally, "today a tractor caught on fire. It was exciting"...WTHeck? So random.
So, there you have it...Abby wasn't the only one that thought she was hated and unloved. And for the record...my dad is the awesomest dad ever. Seriously. Happy Father's Day, Pa! I'm terribly sorry about the 11 year old me.

I was a teenage monster...

2011-05-28T14:41:00.001-07:00

So the other night, my little sister and I laughed for quite some time over one of her journal entries from 2003. That means I was 16 yrs old and Abby was 11 3/4 (she specified in a journal entry that she was 11 3/4...not 11, or 12, or even 11 1/2). I guess we laughed about more than one entry...but I will just share the funniest/saddest. I think our relationship at the time was a problem because I was a teenage monster (which I, to this day, will admit) and Abby was a dramatic pre-teen. So we get the following:

June 23, 2003
Why Does Dad and Maren hate me? Maren treats me like a baby and pushes me around. She thinks I can't do nothing! Dad is always on her side so when we fight, I always am the one getting in trouble. Tonight we were planting sod and she kept saying I wasn't working hard enough. I got mad and I had to go to bed, right away! All I was doing was trying to be extra good and work really hard, but Maren found a way to get me in trouble, she always does! Why does Maren hate me? She always points out the smallest flaws, just to get me in trouble!
If that's the way she wants to play, then watch out Maren, I'm coming back to get ya!
Bye,
Abby the Hated, Picked on, etc.

hahaha. "I'm coming back to get ya!"...? Coming back from where?! Oh Abby...

Another entry ended with this:

I know what you're thinking...and yes, this does make me kinda sad and makes me feel kinda bad. Buuuutttt...only kinda. BECAUSE that's life when it comes to sisters. And I have many identical journal entries from my own journal at that age. Everyone was always against me, everyone hated me, I was always the one getting in trouble when it was really a sister's fault, my parents favored my sisters, I was alone and unloved, etc etc. Any one who has ever been 10-16 yrs old with 3 sisters will understand.

The best part of these entries: how hard we laugh about them now. Now that we're older, we often pull out our old, embarrassing journals/diaries and share different things with each other. I have been so near to peeing my pants from laughter SO many times when it comes to reading through these. We can look back on it now and just laugh. I love it. See?...hating each other turned out to be a great thing! Right?!

Highlight of the Week

2011-05-26T14:35:00.000-07:00

Just as expected, seeing my Club kids made my week.

The staff for the BGClub this summer visited Reed Elementary yesterday during recess so we could see the kids and publicize for the summer program beginning in a couple weeks. I will share a few of my favorite moments that made me laugh...

We were out at recess with the kindergartners. Keep in mind that these kids were too young to be at the club last summer...so we were complete strangers to all these little ones.

Random little boy with glasses comes up to me: "Hello, what's your name?" (umm...isn't it supposed to be ME that asks for names around here?)
Me: "Hi I'm Maren, what's your name?"
Boy: (shakes my hand)"Michael. Want to race me?"
Me: "Of course, but I must warn you, I'm really fast."
Boy: "That's okay. I'm faster."

So we race several times. Short races. But over and over again. I obviously let him win a few times, tied him a few times, and beat him by one step a few times to keep things interesting. But once after I let him win a couple times in a row, he CLEARLY made sure I won the next one. haha. What a nice little boy. Wanted me to have SOME success. Precious. Then later in our conversation...

Boy: "Maren...when my mom gets here she can get your number and then you can come over to my house and play all day because you are really fun and nice."

Awwwwww. Those little ones just melt my heart.

The most fun was when my 3rd and 4th graders from last summer came out for recess. A couple of my favorite moments with them...

Kaden: "Maren?"
Me: "Yes Kaden?"
Kaden: "Are you done with law school now?"
Me: "How do you remember that I went to law school?"
TJ: "It's easy! You're going to be a lawyer. Duh."

I don't know why it surprises me so much that my kids remembered that. I just don't expect 3rd graders to remember details about my life. Isn't that the cutest thing ever?!

(to one of my 3rd graders with a little mohawk...he thinks he's quite the ladies man...last summer he was juggling several girlfriends, a few of which were like 16 yrs old haha)
Me: "Hey Caden...this is a new hairstyle...I like it"
Caden: "Thanks."
Me: "Well, it's pretty cool...did you do it for the ladies?"
Caden: "Of course Maren."
Me: "So is it workin?"
Caden: "OH YEAH!"
(later he taught me how to raise one eyebrow...a skill he uses to give the little 3rd grade ladies his version of the blue steel look)

hahahaha. Oh man. I know these are probably not as funny to those reading who don't know these kids or aren't around kids much in general...but even writing about them is making me laugh out loud. Can't get enough. That is, until they are driving me absolutely crazy mid-summer. But until then...I LOVE IT!

I AM: a 2L now....and home for the summer!

2011-05-22T22:07:00.000-07:00

Ahhh I am done with my first year of law school! Super weird feeling. When I walked into my apartment after finishing my last final, my 19 yr old roommate says, "You're finished with a YEAR of law school...do you feel OLD now?" Uhhhh....well....yeah I guess now I do! Ughhh.

Being done is such a relief. Two weeks of finals. Five classes that each have a 3-4 hr long essay exam. I was on my second to last final (Property...exciting, I know) and I got so bored sitting there after about an hour. It took everything I had to force myself to focus and get something on paper. I struggled with that exam. On the last essay question I could NOT remember one of the things I needed to remember. I ended up making something up that I was actually quite proud of. Well, proud of for a little while. I made the mistake of going home and thinking "I'm going to check that in my notes really quick"....should NOT have checked my notes. It turns out the B.S. answer I had been somewhat proud of was not something to be proud of after all. So I had about 15 minutes worth of a panic attack before I remembered it's okay to maybe get a C...and maybe it won't even be a C. Sooo...I'm no longer panicking about that. BUT getting that grade just might ruin my summer. Stay tuned.

So after that fiasco I had nothing left in me for my last final. It took me about 2.5 hours and it was scheduled to be a 4 hr exam. Oops. Sorry Prof. Goble, I just didn't care for your exam. Products liability, what a bore. I think I put a couple coherent answers together. I'm hoping for 30 points on that exam. Last semester a 28 out of 200 something possible points got me a B...maybe 30 this semester will get me a glorious B+. A girl can hope! I've only had one grade disappointment/freak out so far in law school and I hope it stays that way. I've surprised myself here and there with grades and I hope I can keep that up. But what a way to ruin a summer...giving us our grades after we're already home and not caring about school anymore. Rude.

So NOW what? Well, I decided to use my first week home to relax, move back in, get situated, write a paper, and read. I thought it would be such a relaxing week. Turns out I NEED structure in my life. This week has been painfully boring and I cannot wait for this next week to begin. Starting this week I will spend a couple days in a law office, just kinda following people around and getting more familiar with things...and then the other days at the Boys and Girls Club, preparing for the summer program. Then next week I'm off to Mesa for my cousin's wedding (LaLa I cannot wait for this...soooo excited!) before coming back home and starting full time at the Club with my kids.

I am so excited to go back to working with my kids. I was going to workout a summer internship/externship in a law firm, but after a couple phone calls from my BGClub boss reminding me how fun it is and telling me they really wanted me back, I decided to spend one last summer getting paid to be a kid :) One of my favorite things is having a bunch of little 7-12 yr olds as best friends each summer. Constant entertainment.

Anyways...that was a whole lot of post for not a lot of exciting information. I'm not even going to read back through it...so I apologize for errors. Editing is not worth my time right now.
Stay tuned for summer adventures!

How Embarrassing...

2011-04-11T22:33:00.000-07:00

So…I am sitting in my bed. It’s 10 pm on a Monday night. I have just realized that this day blows. It feels like there has been 3 different days in this one day alone. I don’t know why. Law school does funny things to my brain sometimes. There doesn’t seem to be a whole lot to look forward to here on out this semester…so instead of thinking about that, I decided I should blog. It’s been too long. I apologize to those that have been waiting and requesting…I just haven’t had it in me. But here I am now! And boy do I have some stories for your entertainment (at least…I hope they entertain you…cuz I laugh about them quite often).

This is my “you know you’ve been in law school too long when….” post.

1. One day last semester I was reading what felt like hundreds of pages for torts. I came along a word I was not familiar with… “destined” …I spent a good 3 minutes trying to decide what “de-styned” meant. I was about to google the definition when it occurred to me that the word was not “de-styned”, it was “destined”. WOW Maren. So glad I didn’t get to the googling of the term. How embarrassing.

2. Around the time my trial brief was due, I often found myself not being able to focus on a single task. One afternoon I got to school and parked in one of the front spots by the school. After ONE CLASS (yes, only about one hour later), I walked out to go home and I could NOT remember where I had parked. I couldn’t think about it clearly, so for some reason I walked myself all the way up the hill to the Kibbie Dome lot (not a terrible walk, but definitely out of the way). Welp, then I realized I had parked right in front that day. What do you do when you realize? There are people around and you have to act like you forgot something, or kinda throw your hands up and do an “oh stupid me” look as you turn around and head back down the hill to your car. Oopsie. How embarrassing.

3. I have one pen that I absolutely love. It’s not special…it’s a free pen from some hotel from my volleyball playing days…but I prefer my notes to be written with it. Well one morning I got to class and had a private panic attack…my pen was gone. Checked my bag, went back down to my desk…no pen. I had to use a stupid pen for notes that day. Middle of my second class, I reach up to tighten my ponytail and guess what I found?! My pen. Used it to put my hair up while reviewing notes before classes that morning. Panicked for nothing. How embarrassing.

4. I was watching an NCAA bball tourney game and one of my friends said it was cool that Virginia had several teams in the tournament. She named a few before I added, “WVU”. Yes, I added West Virginia University to the list of Virginia schools. We just looked at each other for a moment and started laughing. West Virginia happens to be its own state. Good work, Maren. How embarrassing.

5. I wrote “do ‘ nt” in my margins instead of “don’t” (I’ve misplaced apostrophes several times in my notes).

6. I legitimately tried to plug in my computer charger backwards (the side that should be in the outlet into my computer, and the computer plug-in into the outlet). Took me a minute to realize why things weren’t working out.

7. I was editing my appellate brief and I made a correction that I no longer wanted there…guess what I did?! I used white-out to fix it. Yes, I used white-out to fix my fixes. Who does that? HOW….EMBARRASSING.

8. At least I'm not alone. My friend woke up one morning and was barricaded into her bedroom. No recollection of how it happened. This is what happens around the time briefs are due. Also...she was reading through her brief and passed right over an important mistake a few times. Luckily she finally caught it. Instead of "Agent Beckett", she had "Action Beckett" in an important heading. Some things shouldn't be looked over...but often are. Seems fine.

My cousin is BACCKKK!

2011-01-30T17:24:00.000-08:00

BRYCE IS HOMEEEEE!!! What a great weekend it was for us Ericsons. Poor Bryce was ambushed by a bunch of crazy siblings and cousins...but he handled it very well. I am so happy to have him back...but super bummed that I'm away at school. And even more sad...both him and his sister, Malea, will head to BYU-I for the summer session in April and will be gone when we are back for the summer. Bummer. But I just thought I'd post a couple pics from the weekend. Cannot wait for an Ericson gathering this summer. COUSINS: Harry Potter party better happen. I will be so disappointed if we don't get it done! I am keeping my fingers crossed for this reunion to happen.

I'm thought-dumping on my blog again.

2011-01-30T16:40:00.000-08:00

In Civil Procedure last semester, whenever we'd learn a federal rule with a "process" to it, our prof would tell us, "It's always important to know the process"..."you HAVE to know the process"...blah blah blah. Well...turns out Prof. Eaglewoman crawled into my brain today at church.

We were talking about being "born again". We talked about how a change of heart is a process and blah blah blah (the usual). But today I got to thinking about how everything in the church is a process...a NEVER ENDING process. I would expect myself to be frustrated with that. I am not one to be patient through a learning process. If I don't pick it up right away, I quit. Who has the patience to practice continually, never knowing if you'll master something in the end? Not I. For some reason that is very different with the gospel. I wonder if some of our ideas in the LDS church are so hard to fathom for that very purpose...to force people to continually learn, to work at eventually mastering a concept.

I'm not making sense...so let's get specific. There were a few things that came to my mind during Sunday School today: the Atonement, charity, and the Plan of Salvation. These are things that I don't think we will ever be able to fully understand. No matter how much we learn about them, read about them, etc. ...we will never be able to fully fathom the extent to which they exist. I think to fully understand one of these things would be to fully understand the others. Not possible. The concepts seem simple enough...but getting to the bottom of them is another story. I will never fully understand the love that our Heavenly Father had for us in order to let His only son go through the things He had to endure. Maybe I don't understand it because I don't understand the depth of charity, the pure love of Christ. Maybe it's a selfish thing...but no matter what, we're human...we're ALWAYS going to have something that holds us back from that wholeness and perfection. These are concepts that we can spend our whole lives trying to understand and yet still never truly get. And the more I think about it, the more I wonder if that's the point.

So being born again and having a change of heart is a process. If the end of that process was something we could obtain in this life, what would we continually work for? If it was something we could learn and understand, then we would have a finishing point. I think the point is that we DON'T. We can work our whole lives to figure it out, but won't understand it until we are perfect, like Christ. The point is the process, not the actual understanding. The growing. The learning. Ughh.

I guess it's kind of like getting a trophy for "participation" when you were in little league softball or city rec basketball. The stars on the team that had things figured out weren't the only ones carrying around trophies...each kid got one...for trying, learning, growing, being a part of the team. We'll get a trophy for doing the same. We're not expected to know it all or have it all figured out. As long as we're trying. We're not perfect...we're not going to be perfect. We're all little leaguers here.

Frustrating? a little, yes. Comforting? definitely.

What?! 2010 is over?

2010-12-27T13:54:00.000-08:00

Merry Christmas/Happy Holidays/all that good stuff. Man, it's good to be home and with family. I can guarantee that my family is THE coolest, funniest, smartest, most fun, awesomest family ever. It is amazing how much I laugh each day when I'm home. I love them so much and I'm grateful we're all able to be together for the holidays. I love the games, sleepovers, talks, jokes, classic movie watching (the Mighty Ducks trilogy, Heavyweights, The Grinch...you know, all the good ones), eating, and cousin time. Life is good.

Christmas Lights in Lewiston (where Shelly's from)

Moscow has been good as well. My roommates and I get along great and it has been a joy getting to know them throughout the semester. It is like living with sisters for sure. We have learned to "agree to disagree" on a lot of things. I am so glad I have them though. Always someone I can come home and talk to after a long day at school. They are so funny and keep me entertained (that is, when I'm not entertaining them with my song and dance skills).

Got my roomies in some BSU gear!

Brenda is an architecture student and stays super busy with school. Shelly is a UI cheerleader and keeps busy with school and practices, etc. (yes...a bsu athlete and a ui cheerleader living in the same house!! i've managed to get both the roomies into bronco gear). We don't spend a lot of time at the apartment...but when we do, it's a good time. I look forward to another semester with them. We are also getting one more roommate for the remainder of the year. Looking forward to getting to know her as well.

Shelly snapped a pic of me studying at home. This used to be a usual occurrence...then I got bored of studying...so I don't. Usually spend my whole day at school studying and don't do a single thing once I get home.

As for school....it's a lot of work. The nerd inside of me absolutely loves it, but the rest of me gets tired of reading, studying, preparing for class, etc. I think I underestimated the amount of work law school would really be. I thought the content would be harder, but the work would be less. I'm surprised that the stuff I'm learning isn't hard...but staying on top of the work is. I survived my first semester of finals (well...hopefully). We get our grades back mid-january. Soooo lame. We stress for finals, then forget about it, then have to stress all over again when grades come out. I felt alright about 3 of my 4 exams, but not so great about 1. The finals were intense. 4 hours long and they are the ONLY grade we get for the semester. Ahhh! Property is the only exam that i'm legitimately worried about. It was one of those exams where you stare at the questions and the facts for so long, just hoping that something will come to you. I think I ended up doing fine, but I don't feel confident about it at all. I guess we'll see.

It's been an excellent year and I'm excited for 2011. I can't believe I keep getting older and older. Going on the big 2-4 pretty soon. Probably should think about being more mature and adult. I'll get on that. Next year.

Look at me BLOG! Finally...

2010-12-04T19:25:00.000-08:00

So I've been thinking about the things I want to accomplish in my life. I have realized lately that I have only set goals to the point I'm at now. My life was pretty structured and planned-out up to the point that I got accepted to law school. Now I'm almost done with my first semester. Weird. How did I get to this point all of a sudden? Time flies when you're having....fun?

I guess it's time to set more goals. Only problem is, I don't feel as though I need to accomplish anything else. I am perfectly happy with everything I have done and will do. I don't think I need to set "getting a job" or "have a family" as goals. Those things will happen. I don't feel like writing them down or worrying about them will change the outcome. I'm not worried about much in my life from this point on (could be a bad thing or a good thing). I am just extremely grateful that I've had so many amazing opportunites and that I've been able to make it to this point. There's nothing that i've done that's particularly amazing. There's nothing that I'm particularly proud of. I'm just plain thankful that it has all happened.

I guess my goal now is to do well-ish on finals. Now that's a goal. Unfortunately the stress of finals has completely taken over my motivation to study for them. Every time I look at notes, I just feel overwhelmed (hence the reason I've made time to blog). This law school thing is the hardest thing I've ever been through...but I'm glad I'm doing it. The nerd inside of me loves it. I've learned SO much (despite what my grades may suggest after finals) and I enjoy what I'm learning.

Though Moscow is a complete drag, it has been bearable. I have made good friends at school and church...and I am soooo thankful for my wonderful roommates. I cannot believe I have been here 4 months. Orientation seems like soooo long ago, but my time here seems so short. It's odd.

2 more weeks and I'm home for 3 care-free weeks. I cannot wait. This brain of mine needs to clear out and re-boot. Is there a "restart" button I can hit? It will be such a needed breath of fresh air. Plus I get to spend more time with my family, which always makes me happy. The only thing that would make me happier is if my cousin Bryce got home from his mission during my break. Unfortunately he gets home a couple weeks after I come back to school. BOOO! But I cannot wait. These things are keeping me going through finals. Light at the end of the tunnel. It's dim...but it's there.

So my new goal list: 1. kick finals trash, 2. breathe, 3. think of more goals. The end.

I'm Still Living!

2010-08-29T15:22:00.000-07:00

Well, well, well. I've spent only two weeks in Moscow and I feel like I've been here FOREVER. Could we please speed up the pace a bit? I have been through one week of law school. ONE WEEK. There are a lot of students celebrating this fact...but I just wonder why the one week took so long and ask myself why we're celebrating so prematurely. Big whoop people...we've got like 15 ish weeks more til Christmas break. Then maybe I'll celebrate...if I'm still alive to celebrate after finals.
We had about 5 people take off during orientation week, and 1 more this week. Droppin like flies! haha. So I guess it's a good thing that I've only had one snippit of time that I considered packin it up, sprinting out of class, and hoppin in the car to head right on home...don't worry, I stayed in class. Instead of leaving, I just sent up some extra prayers to not get called on for an answer. I guess I sent up plenty of prayer...cuz I didn't get called on once ALL week. Not even when I had my hand raised to answer a question voluntarily...teachers would look straight at me and choose a different raised hand. How rude. Once I even had a super genious comment to share that I considered not sharing...then raised my hand...didn't get called on...at the end of class the professor made the same comment (as his conclusion of the discussion) I would've shared. Not fair. So maybe I should refine my prayers and be more specific. haha

School is pretty much my life right now since I haven't met a whole lot of BFFs yet. I absolutely love my roommates and consider myself very lucky to have ended up with them. I laugh every day about something that goes on at home. It's a great time...and really nice to get away from the law school and the people in it.
I was called today to be a Relief Society teacher. In my life, I have only served in maybe one or two callings outside of the Relief Society. I guess it's just my life's calling. Sheesh. But I don't mind teaching RS. I actually quite enjoy it cuz I get to do the lessons my way.
Otherwise, I'm just truckin along. Still feeling a little out of place...but getting used to things. I just keep reminding myself I've only been here two weeks. Lots of school, stress, studying, and hopefully FUN ahead of me.

Update

2010-08-18T19:31:00.001-07:00

AHHHHHH!

Maybe I'll have time this weekend to blog more fully on my new life/experience. But for now, I'm busy freaking out. I have like 100 pages to read...cases to brief...a witness testimony to prepare...and various other assignments. OH...just FYI...school HASN'T EVEN STARTED yet. Sweet.

Good news is: I got some great school supplies and I'm all color-coordinated and organized for classes. I love a good organization project.

K that was a long enough blog break...let me get back to what I was thinking/doing:

AHHHHHH!

World Cup Happiness

2010-07-03T10:59:00.000-07:00

Have you been watching the World Cup? I'm not a fan of watching soccer in real life necessarily...but the World Cup is different. It's somehow really exciting. I tense up everytime the ball gets close to the goal...even though it hardly ever goes IN. I guess any game that is played on such a grand stage is exciting.
Okay...this video makes me want to play soccer / dance with Shakira and all her friends. How do I get myself in this video? It makes me happy. I love a good highlight video. Enjoy :)

Quick Update...More Greatness Coming Soon

2010-06-28T16:27:00.001-07:00

Wow!! I have been out of the blogging loop FOREVER! I just updated myself by stalking everyone's blogs...and now I'm just writing a quick post before getting to dinner. Sheesh! When I wait so long to blog, I feel pressure to be really funny or really deep when I return...but nothing has come to mind lately. Bloggers-block I guess. So I though I'd just update real quick:

Working at the Boys and Girls Club is a blast. Definitely different from last summer...but still good. I have learned to love working with the 3rd and 4th graders. I was nervous to move to their age group after working with the 5th/6th graders last summer, but they actually are pretty mature kids (well...mature meaning you can have a conversation with them...not mature in actions necessarily...but who is these days?). Last summer was so so great and I don't feel like this summer is living up to it, but it's so fun to have 120 kids as your best friends every day. They keep me plenty entertained and I still love it!

Getting things ready for school. I still feel weird that in just about 7 ish weeks I'll be heading off to law school. Scary! I'm nervous to go to real school, but so excited and ready for a new adventure. Loans are done, I should be getting my class schedule soon, and I'm nearing the point of having housing figured out and ready. Woo. I just know this month is going to FLY by and I'll start to panic when it gets closer. But for now...I'm just happy to be getting things done!

Have I mentioned that my little sis is going to be playing volleyball at CEU?! She will be playing at the jr college I started my career at. My head coach got the coaching job at Mesa Community College, so she'll be playing for my assistant coach that has been "promoted". He was amazing and I know she'll love it. She'll also be living in Burtenshaw. SO CRAZY! My couple years in Price were probably the best, most fun two years of my life and I am jealous that Abby gets to go experience that now. Anyways...that's just a fun fact for all you CEU alumns reading my blog :)

Otherwise I'm keeping busy with friends and being relief society president. Luckily I've served as RS pres before and I know the drill...so it's not so bad. Visiting Teaching always has been and always will be a nightmare though. Always. Ugh. And of course, I'm speaking in church again in a couple weeks. I don't know anyone in this world that speaks more than I do (this may be an exaggeration...but just humor me people).

Super excited for some of the Ericsons to be in town this week. It's always a good time when Ericsons get-together! Speaking of fam get-togethers...I should blog about my horrendous Memorial Day weekend. Remind me to do that soon...cuz I've gotta go eat. I'm dying of starvation...it's been a whole hour since i've eaten. haha

Taken For Granted

2010-05-28T22:01:00.000-07:00

I can’t quite decide how I want to approach this. I have a lot of thoughts in my head, but no organized way to write them. I have been thinking a lot lately about our country and what people think we’re entitled to just because we live in America. There has been a lot of news lately about schools cutting budgets and therefore having to eliminate certain programs or classes. A district in the area recently cut their music program. I’ve heard of a nearby school cutting their extra physical education classes. Some have considered cutting athletics. Some are cutting teachers and having bigger class sizes. With every cut, there are more and more complaints. Each program has an argument for why they should stay in schools. The arguments are good. Obviously the programs are all going to have some sort of positive effect on students, or they wouldn’t have been added to the school in the first place. I think it’s hard to say that one program is more important than another. It’s not fair to say that music is far more helpful to students than PE. I understand that schools shouldn’t even be in the position where they have to cut programs. I understand that in America, one of the things we take pride in is our educational opportunities. I understand all that. I guess what I don’t understand is why we think we’re entitled to all this extra stuff.

I think we take pure, basic education for granted. Other countries have so many kids that would love to be educated in conditions like ours. They value their education that is given to them in huge classes and taught by only one teacher. They don’t have extra sports programs or music classes or aerobics or home economics. They just learn. The important stuff. Whatever happened to the basics? What’s wrong with going to school for just Math, English, Science, Social Studies? There were smart, genius musicians back in the day when kids didn’t get to go to music class during school. There were amazing athletes back when sports weren’t an expected part of school programs. There were healthy kids before PE. There were medical doctors before kids could take biology, chemistry, anatomy in school.

There's a quote that says, "together we have come to realize that for most men the right to learn is curtailed by the obligation to attend school". How true is that? We have this amazing right to learn and to attend school...but because we are so blessed to have it be of such importance in our country, we lose sight of what a great blessing it is. There is a foreign exchange student at Kuna that has been in a class or two of mine when I substitute. Most kids goof off and bag their work when there's a sub...not this kid. He is so focused on his textbooks and assignments. I have been told by a couple teachers that he is amazingly gifted and has an incredible desire to learn more. Not something you see in many American students.

I guess it’s the principle of cutting programs that bothers people. My sister and several of my relatives are school teachers…so I get the stress in budget cuts and the concern for our educational systems. I’m just tired of people thinking we’re entitled to all these great privileges. We are SO lucky to be in a country where we can learn about what we want, when we want, in a nice facility, with nice books, with desks, with binders and pencils and pens and highlighters, with so many other kids, with so many class choices. The fact that I, a 23 year old girl from Kuna, Idaho, can go to law school is amazing to me. I can get the loans I need. I can live in a little apartment. I can have textbooks. I mean…even being able to graduate from college in 4 years with my psych degree is a blessing.

I understand that we, as Americans, expect more and will always want something better. But can’t we step back and look at all the amazing privileges and opportunities we have in this country?! Obama’s been in office for awhile now. Despite the fears people had/have… I’m still living. I have a job. I have a roof over my head. I eat. I drive. I go to the doctor and get care. I am going to school in August. I have student loans. I go to church and get to practice my chosen religion. I have all my basic rights. Life is going on. I am blessed to have the opportunities that I do. I am grateful to be so privileged. The world continues to turn. The sun continues to rise. Get over it people. You’re not dead yet.

2010-05-19T15:24:00.000-07:00

To watch a really great video...click HERE. This is a video filmed last summer at the Kuna Boys & Girls Club. I get such a laugh every time I watch. Scout is one of my favorite kids from last summer...when the kids are asked who their favorite staff is, they go down the line and Scout shouts out "MA-WEN". He can't say his "r"s...so my name was pretty difficult for him. haha.

I can't wait to be back at the club this summer. It is such a blessing to get paid to be a kid. Can't get much better than that! I am looking forward to a fun-filled, carefree summer before heading off to law school in August. Last summer I worked as the lead staff over the 5th and 6th graders...this summer I will be the lead over the 3rd and 4th graders. I'm a bit sad to not have my same kids...but I'm excited to work with the new group. Since one of my goals is to NEVER grow-up...this job is very helpful :)

This video was recorded by one of my kids (not my literal kid...one of my 5th/6th graders) last summer. He was pretty much running around the room with my camera...seriously, you might get a headache watching. This basically captures the essence of my entire summer...TOTAL CHAOS...but fun chaos. Can you believe the girl hopping around, leading the dance train is going to grown-up school this fall ... and on her way to a legitimate career in a few years time? Yeah...kinda scary!

Ohh Volleyball

2010-05-13T07:39:00.000-07:00

I am DONE coaching volleyball!! It's such a relief to have one less thing to worry about...but it is SO weird to think that I'll be away from volleyball for a couple years. Sure, I'll still play...but I won't be able to dedicate a good amount of time to coaching school ball or club. It'll be weird because my time is measured by volleyball seasons. When I was playing it was: season, off-season, summer training, repeat. Coaching is: season, club season, summer camps etc., repeat. Now my world will turn by school semesters I guess...GROSS.

This season was unbelievably frustrating and stressful. My girls were good, but did not show the kind of dedication I would have liked to see. We didn't have a single practice during the season with the entire team. I had an average of 5 girls at every practice. That is the perfect amount to teach individual skills...but you can hardly do any good drills with so few. With such a low number, I was able to really help each individual girl...and I saw HUGE improvements in several...but the team was never able to improve together. This group had such potential to be great...but just didn't want to put in the time or the work. SOOOO frustrating. When they DID show up to practice, several girls would just complain about everything. Complain about not playing well (DUH...how can you expect yourself to be good when you practice MAYBE once a week...and lazily at that), about a hard or confusing drill, and mostly about having to condition at the end of practice (I didn't even make them do it every practice...and it was NOT hard stuff...I don't think. haha). It was just frustrating to put time into it and not have the girls invested.

In the end, though, we had a blast and the girls learned an awful lot. I probably shoved too much into their little volleyball heads. A couple girls became such AMAZING players throughout the season and I can't wait to hear about how well they do in school ball. When the girls were there, they listened to every word I said and really tried to do everything I told them (with some complaining at times...but they never disrespected me). It's so weird to be done...club season is so long that the end is always bittersweet...but I'm glad I no longer have to go to Saturday tournaments at 7 AM.

I will definitely miss my girls...and I will miss coaching for a couple years for sure. Perhaps it will make it more satisfying when I come back after some time away! Now bring on summer volleyball! This will be the first summer that I really get involved in all the outdoor vball Boise has to offer. I have really enjoyed playing indoor stuff (LOVE reverse coed 4s [even if we get 2nd every tourney UGH]...and city league 6s)...so hopefully grass doubles will be just as good. It's just fun to actually WIN at this stuff after having such TERRIBLE college seasons. haha. I guess I'll keep you all updated :)

Here are some shots from our last tourney for your viewing pleasure:

That would be me, giving some great advice. Or saying something inspiring. Yeah.

Giving the sign for where to serve. Area 1 was not my team's fave. For some reason giving a 1 usually resulted in a missed serve.

Northeast Hills 18 Gold. Aren't we presh?!

I have a million of these pics and I couldn't even find ONE with all of us smiling at the same time. This one is the best we've got. Loved it :)

Another Installment of Funnies

2010-04-29T21:46:00.000-07:00

More pics that might get you LOL-ing (I guess it would be L-ingOL...hmm)

-I got some hideous lip-gloss as a part of some goodie bag. Don't remember for what. But I'm pretty sure it was from the dollar store. And it was ANCIENT by the time Abby and I decided to try it out. It did not smell appealing and the stuff was like freakin glue on the lips. And it obviously tasted disgusting. We have several pretty pictures with the gloss. It was impossible to wash off. I may still have remains of the pretty pink gloss on my lips to this day.
-Remy and I decided to go get some adult sleepers. We were making sure they fit and decided to have a little modeling session in the ShopKo dressing room. A worker walks in while we're taking this picture and she just starts laughing histerically. We didn't know what to say or do...so we just continued our business. hahaha

-Heather and I went to a Boise Hawks game one summer when she came to visit. We were documenting the night, but there were only two of us...so we needed someone to take this picture for us. We stopped some guy and asked him to take it. He did take it...after looking at us kinda funny. Great. Not a funny story at all. WELL...the next morning I open up the newspaper and the guy is on the front page of the sports section. Apparently we asked the leading hitter on the Hawks to take our picture. hahaha. Had NO clue. Thought he was a random fan.

-Sam and I stayed in a hostel during our New York trip. We were supposed to be in a room with like 12 girls. Well we got our bed assignments at check-in and guess what?! We happened to have the only bunk that was in its own little room. All other 5 bunks were in the bigger room. SO lucky. And hilarious that they all had to share and we got our own space. Suckas

So many funny things about this picture. I think we were trying to be "serious" or "fierce"...we just turned out a little scary. But I think Malea makes me laugh the most.

Hilarity

2010-04-28T11:38:00.000-07:00

So I was going through all the pictures on my computer the other day...and I came across several that just made me laugh out loud. There are a bunch, but I'll share a few. Maybe I'll do a few different posts. I'm sure you won't laugh at every pic...but if you're in it...you'll probably know why it makes me laugh. So if you have no idea...just humor me. Maybe a few will make you chuckle.

-Abby, Reed, and I were dressed like this one winter Saturday and Dad commented on how nice we all looked. So we decided to document the embarrassment.....and clearly, Reed wouldn't cooperate.

-Heather and I were in Vegas and she couldn't decide what shoes to wear that night, so we took pics to see which looked best...and I was modeling the bed runner as a scarf?! hahaha

-I took this picture of Elsina and Bethany (Christmas of 2008). When Elsina saw the picture she said it looked like she was being "crucified or something". hahahaha. Maybe she was thinking of exorcism...I don't know. Oh man that's a laugh.

-My cousin got married last summer and we had a fun night with our whole family, plus his wife's family. We had a 3-legged race. If you look closely behind me and Reed, you can see Kevin and Lauren on the cement. They took a bit of a spill. hahaha. It was funny, then it wasn't funny because Kevin was hurt, then he was better and it was REALLY funny.

-Our friend was participating in a physics launch thingy...so Heather and I decided to go and support. We brought Colby along (he's on the phone). He obviously was embarrassed to be seen with us. Everything about this picture makes me laugh out loud. Bless our hearts.

-Oh the locker room time before every game just makes me laugh. Any picture will do. Just reminds me of all the laughs we had before games. I especially laugh about the time Alisha was doing the growl voice from House Bunnies (we all were trying. Mandy and Lish were pretty darn good. I just got a sore throat)...and then proceeded to sing Josh Turner "baby lock the door and turn the lights down low". hahahaha. It was so hard to keep our laughter in when coach came in for the pregame talk. We had some funny times!

And that's all for now. There are many more to come. BE AFRAID... You might turn up in one or more!

Slight Glitch

2010-04-26T12:02:00.000-07:00

This is a picture of the current state of my room. Standing on my bed. The clothes in the white laundry basket are all clean and folded...but not put away. The mesh laundry tote on the right is full of clean sheets for my bed. The drawers in my closet are covered with a stack of clean clothes...mostly things I put on in the morning and decided not to wear, but didn't have time to put away back in their proper place. Pillows, blanket, lots of shoes, laundry, hair-ties, volleyball bag/shoes/kneepads, several pairs of socks (some clean and matched, some that should be in my laundry basket)....SHEESH! It can all be found on my bedroom floor. I feel this picture could be in an I-Spy book. I spy a white hair-tie...a kneepad...a black sock...a bsu bronco logo...a 3-hole puncher. Terrible.

How can someone that is so very organized have such a messy room? That is an excellent question. I have tried to figure this out many times. You can see my bright pink planner on the floor (kinda in the lower left corner)....if you were to look in that planner you would probably laugh. It is so incredibly organized. Stickers, color coordination, black ink, highlighted events, to-do lists, the WORKS. You can also see my green file folder on the floor (in the lower right corner). That is my expandable file folder for coaching volleyball. Past practice plans, roster, medical info of my players, line-up sheets, etc....all organized perfectly in their own slots. If you could see my closet fully, you would see that it's organized in my own system. Mostly organized by color...but small variations depending on sleeve length, material (heavy winter material, or airy summer material), and by preference (wear a lot vs. hardly ever wear).

My point is...I am beyond organized with my entire life. One exception...my room. How can I fix this? There was one point in time that my room was clean for like 2 months. That was nice. Not sure how I did it. I'm not subbing today so I thought to myself: "Well Maren, use this day to clean your room". Have I done it? Nope. Will I do it? hmmm...I'll think about it. Or I'll just blog about it. K great.

Vampire Lovers Beware

2010-04-14T10:05:00.000-07:00

Turns out I finished the Twilight series the other day. Yep, I read ALL 4 books (well...saying I read them completely would be a lie...I DID skip several pages here and there). So here I am to share my thoughts on this crazy phenomenon.

Okay okay...so I guess I somewhat enjoyed parts of the series. I really liked the story in the 3rd book, Eclipse. The history of the werewolves and the stories about how each Cullen became a vampire, etc. That stuff had me wanting to read more. It was a good story. However, Stephanie Meyer just ruined all her great stories by mudding it over with this completely unrealistic love story. I guess that's the interest for most girls...but let's be honest, it's not even a good representation of "young love". It's sickening, literally. The thought of a more than perfect vampire falling in love with this extremely regular, clumsy, cynical girl is just not one that my mind will entertain. Sure, I get it...forbidden, unexpected love. Well, I'm not into it and I don't want it ruining a good story. (This is why I skipped a lot...anytime it was all about Bella and Edward, I just skipped a page or two until the story was back on). Meyer's ideas had potential. This could have been Harry Potter-esque. But it wasn't.

The thing I love about Harry Potter is that I want to be a part of the magical world. I want to be friends with Harry. I want to cast spells. I want to play quidditch. Rowling doesn't ruin things with a side story that overpowers the magic. Twilight's love story takes over the magical world that I would want to be in. When it was all werewolves and vampires and their strange, magical life, I found myself wanting to read more...because I saw myself in the magic...wanting to work with them to destroy evil (nerdy? maybe a little). Then all of the sudden my imagination is stopped by Bella and Edward using corny love lines in the middle of the action. Ugh...get out of my magical world Bella!

Okay...last thing I have to say about Twilight. This might upset some vampire lovers. TEAM JACOB all the way! I absolutely hate Edward. I do. Everything about him and the way he is. I cannot stand him. I cannot stand a word he says. Jacob has a way better personality. And who wouldn't want a werewolf instead of a vampire? I mean, CHELLO!

So that's all I have to say about Twilight. I tried to understand the hype. I tried to enjoy them all. Sorry...fell short. Now I can go back to not being a Twilight fan. Is that so wrong?

My Nightmare

2010-04-05T09:08:00.000-07:00

I'm currently substituting for high school Language Arts. This morning I had a senior class and right now I have sophomores. I know what you're thinking, "why is she blogging while subbing?...Shouldn't she be doing something?". Great question...I do actually feel a tad bit guilty. But, I'll tell you why. I'm SO bored!! All the teacher left for them to do is: READ. Independently. Quietly. BORING.

The seniors this morning were so silent. Crickets. Literally. It was so hard for me not to fall asleep. Luckily I knew one of the kids in class and he came to chat with me towards the end...so that kept me awake. Now the sophomores are doing the same thing. All you can hear is pages turning, loud breathing now and then, and my typing. Eerie. Since when are high schoolers like this? Especially the first day back from Spring Break...CHELLO, don't you want to talk to your friends about your week's adventures?! I know this is like every substitute's dream...but this is a nightmare. Look alive kids, look alive!

The worst part is...I forgot my book. Grrr. I organized my planner for the week/month last hour. Now I'm blogging this hour. If my next class hour is this creepily quiet, I don't know what I'll do.
So I guess what I'm suggesting is this: If you are in high school and all you're supposed to do is read for an hour and a half of class...please don't read the whole time. Please entertain me with hilarity and stupidity at some point. Let me over hear your dramatic conversations about who did what over break so that I can silently laugh to myself. Give me something...ANYTHING!

Let's find a happy medium between this silence and then the chaos I created last time I subbed when I taught the math class how to more effectively make a paper-ball for trash can basketball. (The wadded up paper that they were using to shoot into the trash can was WAY too light and not wadded tightly enough into a ball...they were struggling...so I helped them make a better "ball" and then told them to set the trash can against the wall so they could use a "backboard"). Not my best idea...but possibly one of my funnest. Don't worry...the students were all completely finished with the assignment the teacher left...so what do you expect me to do? I mean...I can't allow an intense game of paperball every class period...but

This. Is. Torture.

2 Posts in 2 Days. I'm on a roll...

2010-03-31T18:41:00.000-07:00

Canada sure knows what they're doing. I might like this video more than "We Are The World". Who knew Canada had so many cute little all-stars? I had no idea Drake was Canadian. Hm. My only disappointment is that Celine Dion didn't make an appearance. I need more Celine in my life. Especially for a packed song such as this.
Also note that Justin Bieber got the intense closing line in this song. He has the intense opening line in "We Are The World"....good heavens the kid is like 12.

Back By Popular Demand With a Story About Teeth

2010-03-30T16:29:00.000-07:00

Back by popular demand!! Okay...so only one person demanded...but still. My dear cousin is keeping me in line (Las, I believe this is shout-out number TWO on the blog!) and demanded some more entertainment. I made my weekly to-do list yesterday and "blog" was one of my to-dos. What is this world coming to?!

Anyways...I went to the dentist today. Can I just tell you that I absolutely LOVE going to the dentist. This seems weird because I CANNOT stand when people slide their teeth on their forks...even the thought of metal on teeth is making me cringe right this second. I have the chills the entire time I'm getting my plaque scraped off...and I'm usually sore after from being so tense the whole time. BUT, I love clean teeth. So so much. Clean white teeth are perhaps one of my favorite things.

Perhaps I have become obsessed with teeth in general because of my horrifying history with orthodontics. Let's go through my timeline of teeth misery and you will see why I now care so much about my teeth.

It all started in the fourth grade. I had lost all my front teeth through the prior years and most of my permanent teeth had come in...but turns out my bottom left middle tooth didn't want to grow in. So...I was bottom left middle toothless for a few years. Now that seems very sad, I know. Is it more sad than the fact that one of my top front teeth had grown in completely sideways? I'm talking perpendicular to my other teeth. I'm not sure whether my top or my bottom situation was worse.

So 5th grade brought the days of the retainer (dun dun dunnn). I was in a retainer for a short time and then got braces on my front teeth. Luckily my front tooth turned fairly quickly and most of my teeth were facing the right direction. I also got several teeth pulled, and then had a chain glued on my tooth that wouldn't come in (the chain was glued to my tooth under the gums and then attached to my braces to that it would be pulled up). With all of this work done, I now had a bottom left middle tooth. Well after that year, we moved to Idaho. I got my braces taken off in Utah so that I could start new with a new orthodontist in Idaho.

I went through sixth and seventh grade without any orthodontic appliance (thank heavens...I was awkward enough)...but in my eighth grade year, the nightmare started. I went to get braces back on and the orthodontist decided I needed...wait for it...an EXPANDER! Yep, the good old expander on the roof of the mouth that you crank every day to create more space. It was sooo embarrassing. Let me share an experience with you that will illustrate why this was such a nightmare: I was an 8th grader (that's a nightmare in itself) and I was sitting in Ms. Faude's History class (another nightmare considering this lady was like 70 and had long gray hair like a witch would have). I had had my expander on for some time and the gap between my front teeth had been obvious for quite awhile. Well good old Ms. Faude came up to me in the middle of class and said "Wow Maren...have you always had that gap between your front teeth? You could practically fit a finder through there!". I. Was. Mortified. The whole classroom heard her. I mean, obviously everyone could see that...but the fact that she said it out loud was horrifying. Poor me.

Luckily after a few months of embarrassment, I got braces back on. I wore braces from 8th grade through my sophomore year of high school. About 2 1/2 years. Ever since I got my braces off I have been obsessed with straight, clean, shiny, white teeth. It is one of the first things I notice about people. I'm very put off by crooked, yellow teeth. It gives me flashbacks. Horrible flashbacks.

So this is why I love the dentist. I love knowing that my mouth mess days are over. I love having all my teeth. I love that my teeth all face the same direction. I love it all. Thank you orthodontics. Thank you dentistry. Thanks Mom and Dad for paying for it all. If it weren't for these things, I'd still be sporting the closed-lip smile in all my pictures. Classic...but not cute.

Nerdy? Maybe a little...

2010-03-18T23:06:00.000-07:00

Call me crazy...but I have found my new fave song for the week.

My dear cousin LaLa reminded me the other day about our jackpot finding of "Save Ginny Weasley" a year or so ago. The song is by Harry and the Potters and it basically rocks. We loved it for awhile...but I had completely forgotten that it existed until she brought it up the other day.

So what did I do? I went to trusty old youtube to refresh my little memory on the greatness of wizard rock. The thing about youtube is, once you start watching videos...you're doomed. They really know what they're doing with the "Related Videos" on the side. Of course I need to watch all of them. It's a never-ending chain! Genius. Does anyone else have the problem of always ending up with "Miley Cyrus pole dances at teen choice awards" as one of the options? Somehow she ALWAYS gets into my chain. Explain that!

Anyways...way off topic. Back to the point: So I got tangled into the web of "related videos" after Ginny Weasley, and I came across The Ministry of Magic. The two Ministry of Magic songs I listened to were "Meet Me at Diagon Alley" and "Accio Love". Turns out, "Accio Love" is dang catchy. I catch myself humming/singing it to myself throughout the day.

So for all you Harry Potter fans...please enjoy with me this 3 minutes and 43 seconds of wizard rock! (click HERE to go to the youtube page so you can meddle in the mess of "related videos"...or just watch below if you don't feel like getting caught in a web of endless time wasting)

I Wish!

2010-03-16T11:23:00.001-07:00

There are a few things I wish I could do/make myself do.

First, I wish I could eat healthy. Everyday I tell myself I'm going to eat healthier foods and be smart about what I have throughout the day. But guess what?! I like the unhealthy stuff too much! How can I say no to a quesadilla? A few grilled cheese sandwiches? Half a frozen pizza? I just can't. It's not possible and I won't do it! I wish I could. I want to. But I can't.

Second, I wish I still worked-out. Everyday I tell myself I'm going to run or do an aerobics video or SOMETHING...anything! But guess what? I can't muster up the motivation to actually do it. I think about it, I do. But, I can't just do it. Sure, I play a lot of volleyball throughout the week...but that doesn't quite do it. I actually REALLY miss the days of 3 hour practices and then an hour and half of weights/conditioning. I especially miss the summers when all our team did was training for 2 hours a day. No volleyball...just running, weights, agility training, jump training, etc. I miss that feeling of being in such amazing shape. I could do things similar. I wish I could. I want to. But I won't.

Third, I wish I wasn't getting that extra chunk of flab under my bum. You know what I'm talking about. The upper thighs...especially in the back. I read an article once that said it's almost impossible for women to get rid of that. They carry the extra fat in their tummies, their hips/butts, and their upper thighs. The article said it was common for women to have problems with cellulite under their bums and throughout their thighs. Guess what?! I didn't use to have it. Now I do. Awesome. I wish I could get rid of that. Accomplishing this wish would include doing the two things I mentioned above. I wish I could. I want to. But...probably not gonna happen.

Ironic? : I LOVE the Biggest Loser and I live to see it every week. I usually get home from a practice on Tuesday nights and I'll be way hungry. I'll eat some dinner, and get a bowl of icecream, or pop some popcorn, or just grab some snacks. I then watch my recorded episode of big people working out non-stop while I eat my junk on the couch. Not quite sure that should happen. Hm.

So my goal is to start eating better. Portion control. That's my biggest problem. When I eat...I EAT! Next, I'm going to start conditioning my team a little harder at practice. I run with them when I condition them...but it's nothing too difficult (well...they think it is). That will give me at least 2 times a week that I REALLY condition. Then playing volleyball the other few days in the week should be good. Finally, I'm going to maybe lose the 5 lbs. I've put on (I think at least 3 of those being in my butt/legs...the other 2 being right to my hungry belly). I wish I would actually do all of this. But I probably won't.

Good wishes, though....right?!

"Are You Old Enough to be a Substitute?"

2010-03-12T11:40:00.000-08:00

I absolutely love having this year off from school. Substitute teaching and coaching volleyball has been a blast. I thought I would feel like I have a bunch of free time...but I've stayed fairly busy the whole time. Some days that I don't get called in to sub I feel a little unproductive...but I don't usually have an entire day with nothing on my schedule. It's still busy busy spring time as always. Between subbing, coaching, playing city rec, siblings' sports events, and church stuff/church calling, I have stuff going on all the time! I absolutely love having weeks full of something every single night. The days I don't substitute are precious days of rest that I can just collect my thoughts and prepare for other activities ahead.

I enjoy substitute teaching so much. The kids have been so fun. I never have problems with the kids. I love when they try to be sneaky about stuff...like texting, or getting out of class, etc. I don't think they realize that I still remember the tricks from school (it has been a whopping 5 years that I've been out of high school...but come on, that doesn't make me an old hag!). It still makes me laugh that students think I can't see them texting when they hold their phone under their desk. pahaha. I can almost see it better that way. I get a good laugh every time I sub. The jr high kids and freshmen say the funniest things. I'm just going to share my favorite quotes/compliments I've heard/received.

Freshman boy to his friend before playing Fortress Ball in P.E.: "Every time I score, I'm gonna say SHAM-WOW. It's gonna be so funny." (...oh gosh that will be so hilarious...sham-wow?)

8th grade girl conversation: "I can't believe you told ____ that you love him." "Shut-up. That was like last month." (....oh well then that's okay)

Junior boy pays me a compliment after I tell the class that they can chat quietly with their friends if they show me their completed worksheet: "You're like.......BOMB" (...thanks?)

Freshmen boys in P.E.: "Are you going to be a teacher here next year?" ... "No..I'm going to law school...so you can call me with all your legal problems when you're older" ... boy's friend: "when he's OLDER?..He needs help with his criminal activity right NOW!" (...hahahaha. Sad, but probably true.)

7th grade girl: "You're the best substitute ever. You should be a sub forever." (...uhh no thanks!)

Sophomore girl after seeing my name (Ms. Ericson) on the board: "Are you like..Mr. Ericson's wife?"....."Uhm first of all, I'm a little young for that. Second of all, NO, that would be my Uncle!" (...plus what does "Ms" usually imply?)

7th grade girl: "If you're single, Mr. York is available." (...pahahaha)

At least one kid every time I sub (this is not an exaggeration..EVERY time): "Are you old enough to be a sub?" (...YES! Do I really look that young? Ugh)

Freshmen kids in language arts. I don't know how ABBA came up, but somehow we got to talking: one kid said, "Who's ABBA?" ...I was amazed, "Are you kidding? They sing Dancing Queen!"...all the kids in the class,"Dancing Queen?"....so the only thing I could do was sing, "Ahh...you know...You are the dancing queen, young and sweet, only seventeen"...kid, "don't know the song, but you're the coolest substitute ever"...all the kids nod and smile (...haha i'm glad they enjoyed my singing of Dancing Queen. I assumed as freshmen they'd all just think I was crazy. But they really didn't know about Dancing Queen. So tragic!!)

And last but not least...freshmen boy: "I'm going to be 18 in two years...can I call you then?" (....NO you cannot. I'll be 25 in two years. Gross.)

Everyday I get a laugh. Never a dull moment in the substitute world.

Everyone Needs Days Off

2010-03-04T11:40:00.001-08:00

Sometimes I just want a day off from trying to make everyone happy. There are days when I just want to tell everyone exactly how I feel and exactly what I think. It's surprising how much of that stuff I hold back. I am known to speak my mind and share my opinions...but it's usually on issues that don't concern "people".

Don't you ever get so tired of smiling and acting nice? Following through with all your responsibilities? Helping people out when it's not convenient for you? I guess I have a hard time saying "NO" when people come to me for help.

Lately I feel like I have been putting a lot IN and not getting a lot in return. I think coaching volleyball is giving me the majority of my stress right now. I try my best to be such a good coach and to help the girls with all their needed skills. The girls are improving and they love and respect me...but I am not seeing the commitment I want from them. It is so frustrating to put so much time and dedication into something and not have the girls show up. They are always missing practices for something or other and it turns out that I plan intense practices for maybe 5 girls. I guess I don't understand their thinking. When I played in high school, I was at EVERYTHING I could get to. I played two sports at a time MANY seasons throughout my career and I hardly remember missing that often. I would go to school, go to my school sport practice, then if I had time I would run home and get dinner, then head straight to another practice, get home, eat, try to squeeze in some homework before falling asleep, then do it all again the next day. It's hard for me to understand girls missing practice.

It's just frustrating when I invest so much into making my team better and they don't have as much desire. I want them to do well. I want them to win. I want them to get better. I just don't know if they have the same goals. Ughhh. Volleyball will always be a source of stress in my life. Somehow, someway.

I just feel like I put too much emotion into everything I do. I think I've done this for so long that I have forgotten to care about myself. I have always been the listener, the helper, the good friend, the good teammate. I enjoy that, I do. But sometimes I forget that I have my own problems that need to be dealt with. I push all my problems/emotions aside. I think it has caused me to not allow emotional situations into my life. I don't ever want to be the one who needs advice/help. I'd rather be the helper. I'm always the stable one (despite how unstable I feel). I don't know that it's necessarily a bad thing...just something I'm super aware of lately.

The only thing that I've allowed myself to be selfish about is my schooling and goals. I think some people get the idea that I'm this crazy selfish liberal feminist because I am so set on my future plans. I guess I can understand how it might seem that way if you don't know me...but I have found that my goals are pretty much the only thing that I have for ME. I think I should be allowed to be selfish for some things. I just try to worry about school...that's all. No drama, no emotional situations, no day-to-day worries....just school.

I guess this post isn't making much sense. I don't even know why I'm posting it. Just feeling overwhelmed lately with everything. My life right now is nowhere near as stressful as it has been in the past...I've put up with a lot more...but I'm just feeling it this week for some reason. Hmm

Man v. Food

2010-02-24T22:37:00.000-08:00

I can't get enough of Man v. Food on the Travel Channel. I want to be BFF with Adam Richman and travel everywhere with him. I think I would be an excellent eating companion for him. The challenges he takes on are often sickening...but the food just looks so good! I feel like I could do it. I mean...chello...I did do the pound burger challenge at Big Jud's!! haha. But in all honesty, this guy is incredibly insane and there is no way I could keep up with him. I'd sure enjoy trying, though!!

The show came to Boise last year. Adam went to Big Jud's for the Double Big Jud (double what I did...yikes!), Flying Pie for the Triple Habanero Pie, and then to Rockies Diner for the Johnny B. Goode challenge. I, of course, have been to Big Jud's...but unfortunately I have not been to Flying Pie or to Rockies Diner. I am going to check the places out sometime. I refuse to try the spicy pizza...but I wouldn't say 'no' to the Johnny B. Goode challenge. Adam needs to come back to eat with me.

What would your Avatar be like?

2010-02-18T10:15:00.000-08:00

So I recently went to see Avatar with my family. I know...a little late, right? Well I didn't want to see it at first. I wasn't really into the idea of actual people meshed with this computer-world of blue creatures. Then EVERYONE and their dog loved it. I was still skeptical, but very curious. Getting to the point: saw it...loved it.

I have heard many different reasons as to why people have liked the movie: the political insight, the message of having a "green" earth, the beautiful world of Pandora, the special effects, etc etc. I'm not sure any of those reasons are what got me. Perhaps it's because I didn't want to like it for the same reasons everyone else did. But either way, I was totally focused on a small detail of the movie.

I loved the fact that Jake Sully was able to live in a world where his weaknesses were nonexistant. Maybe they weren't ALL completely nonexistant, but he was able to be anyone he wanted to be as an Avatar. In the real world, he didn't have use of his legs...he was confined to a wheelchair. As an Avatar, he was able to walk, run, jump, ride animals...he was able to influence people and have a say in important matters. Technically he could have influence in the "real" world as well...but how many people (especially the people he was dealing with) are going to listen to a man in a wheelchair? Sadly, for some reason, it seems to take away authority.

Most people want to go to Pandora because it was beautiful and they want to live with all the neat creatures. I want to go to Pandora so I can be anyone I want to be. I can have a body that is only connected to mind, not my "real" physical self. This body of mine would never get on a flying bird/creature/thing...but I imagine that I would hop right on for a sweet ride if I were in Pandora. There are no limits there. You become completely trusting of yourself and your surroundings. Jake was able to completely let go of everything that held him back in his life (physically and emotionally).

What would I do differently if I had the opportunity to join/help a new world? What would my Avatar do to get involved? What weaknesses of mine would disappear? What would your Avatar be like?

Now THAT is why Pandora is magical...and THAT is one of the reasons I loved Avatar.

Maren's Daily Good Deed

2010-02-15T22:43:00.000-08:00

I'd like to share a great quote by the one and only Mr. Feeny (yes, THE Mr. Feeny from Boy Meets World). He was a wise man, that Feeny. One of his sayings has been on my mind lately. During one of the more "inspiring" moments of a certain episode, Mr. Feeny tells his students, "Believe in yourselves. Dream. Try. Do good." The ever so clever Topanga responds, "Don't you mean do WELL?"...to which Feeny answers, "No. I mean do good".

So...I have been thinking a lot about this very thing lately. Isn't that advice pretty great? Doesn't it cover pretty much everything? I don't know about you, but it pretty much takes care of my life/goals. I feel like I'm doing pretty well on the first three pieces of advice...but I may be slacking on the "do good" part.

During double days my senior year of volleyball, there were a few of us girls in the gym before practice. While we were setting up nets, this poor little chubby boy walked into the gym carrying a 5 gallon water jug. The jug was full of water, which made it very heavy (the way he was carrying it made it look like it was at least 200 lbs)...and he was not able to carry it comfortably. I'm not sure who sent him to do the task...but it was obviously not a job for one chubby little boy. There was no lid on the jug and the water would spill out a little with every step he took. I couldn't watch him struggle any longer (plus the jug was losing more and more water and I didn't want him to show up to his destination with a half-full jug), so I walked up to the boy and asked if I could help him carry it. He told me he had been sent to do this job and he could do it himself...but after a couple more steps he changed his mind. He took one handle and I took the other. It was hard for me to carry it with such a short little kid. I had to stoop down and crouch as I walked the length of the gym with this boy. We finally got to the office on the other side and I helped him set it on the table. He thanked me and I joked with him for a minute before returning to set up nets.

I didn't think much of my help...but when I walked back in the gym one of my teammates said "Maren...was that your good deed for the day? You have been doing a lot of that lately". Hearing that made me so happy. Mostly because I hadn't even thought about it, but it just so happened that I had helped a family find a building on campus the day before (walking them to a spot where the building was visible so I could point it out...then hurrying back to where I had to be).
After that, I decided I should make sure I do at least one good deed every day. Nothing big. I don't remember all the specific things I did...because they weren't monumental or anything...but I do remember being so happy each time I found an opportunity to help. Being on campus all day long presents so many situations in which someone needs help. It wasn't hard to find a daily good deed. And it was fun.

I am not sharing this story to tell everyone I'm great at service. I'm sharing it because I'm not so great at it. I stopped doing daily good deeds and now I hardly ever stop and help people. I hurry along with my day hoping that someone with "more time" will help them.
If everyone would just take a second out of their day to help someone they notice is in need...think of how much greater this world would be! I can't help but think of President Monson's talk in the last conference, "What Have I Done For Someone Today?" (click title to read full talk). That talk was so inspiring and really motivated a lot of people to do good. It inspired me for sure. For maybe a month. Didn't make a lasting impact on my life...but it should have.

One of my favorite things President Monson said:

"We become so caught up in the busyness of our lives. Were we to step back, however, and take a good look at what we’re doing, we may find that we have immersed ourselves in the “thick of thin things.” In other words, too often we spend most of our time taking care of the things which do not really matter much at all in the grand scheme of things, neglecting those more important causes."

Why is it so hard to "do good"? It should be so easy! I'm going to start "Maren's daily good deed" again. It might not be a big deal, but hey...it means something to someone. Even if it's just helping a little chubby boy complete his assignment of delivering a full jug of water.

Have I done any good in the world today?

Have I helped anyone in need?

Have I cheered up the sad and made someone feel glad?

If not, I have failed indeed.

Has anyone’s burden been lighter today

Because I was willing to share?

Have the sick and the weary been helped on their way?

When they needed my help was I there?

-Hymn 223

Prayer: Am I Applying for Blessings?

2010-02-12T11:03:00.000-08:00

Do you ever feel your prayers are like sending an application in for blessings? I know I shouldn't feel this way, but sometimes I just can't help it. I'll just give you my most recent example in order to illustrate my thought:

Lately, I have been praying to get accepted to certain law schools. Asking to be accepted to somewhere that I can be surrounded by good people...somewhere that I can succeed in meeting my future goals. Now, I know this is perfectly harmless and a totally acceptable prayer...BUT...I do have certain schools in mind. This is where the "application" comes in.

I know that there are HUNDREDS of people praying to get accepted to the same schools I'm praying to get in to. They are all praying for the same blessings/reasons I am. What makes me more worthy of receiving the blessing? Will someone that might be better than me at reading scriptures, being a good example, participating in sunday school, etc., receive that blessing instead of me? Who am I up against for this answer to my prayers?

I know this is where I sound a little crazy. No matter what, I know the answer to my prayer will take me where I need to be. I just feel like I've put in an application to receive this blessing that so many other people want...and now it's evaluation time. What have I done to make myself stand out? To make myself worthy of getting these blessings instead of someone else? How many others am I up against? What kind of people are they? What is on my application that will "jump off the page"?

In my head, there's a section on the application that has a list with a corresponding "yes" or "no" box to check. Do you read your scriptures daily? Do you attend all your church meetings regularly? Do you participate in class discussions? Do you have morning and evening prayer? etc. etc.

How does my application look? Well...there are definitely a few things in my life that I could improve on to put myself ahead. I should work on those things. Not to make myself look more impressive to my "employer", but because those are the things that I really should be doing...applicant or not. I guess it just puts things into perspective when you look at it with that point of view. Though we're not "competing" for blessings, we should still make ourselves worthy of receiving them.

Either way, I'm ready for whatever happens. Excited for something new no matter what. And, of course, I'm always grateful for prayer and its blessings.
I just hope my application is good enough...

Happy Birthday to......ME!

2010-02-08T14:50:00.000-08:00

Do you ever feel like your age is in dog years? Maybe not 7 years to every 1...but I sure feel like I've got a lot more time behind me than 23 years. This back and these knees definitely feel the same. haha. This body of mine thinks it's 50 and I feel like I have a lifetime of memories...but I don't feel that grown-up quite yet. When exactly am I supposed to stop being a kid?

One year older and WISER (that's how it works, right?)!!

So on this day when I should feel older and more "grown-up"...I think I've decided I'd rather be a kid at heart no matter how old I feel. I don't want to grow-up yet.

For this special day I am going with the theme "Party in the USA". I allow everyone and their dog (in the entire United States) to party in honor of my birth. You have homework? An important meeting? A prior obligation? Forget about it. It's my birthday. Celebrate.

Thanks to all who have sent bday wishes :)

Best Friendship: Part TWO

2010-02-06T22:35:00.000-08:00

"We’re all a little weird, and when we find those people whose weirdness is compatible with ours…we join up with them and fall into mutually satisfying weirdness and call them our BEST FRIENDS."

–Boy Meets World

I met Heather McFarland almost 5 years ago. Doesn't seem like long...but I feel like it's been a lifetime. We met at a team camp at the College of Eastern Utah in the summer of 2005 (we went down to Price for a week to work a camp before we all reported for our fall season). She had come to camp with a friend that would be on our team that fall...and I had travelled to camp with an old friend from grade school that would also be on our team. My goal in life is to make people laugh. It's just what I do. So when I saw the opportunity to entertain Beans and Heath at camp with my incredible talent, I jumped at the chance. We laughed a lot together...but didn't really leave camp as "friends". When we reported back for double-days that all changed very quickly...friends is exactly what we became...and fast.

We realized pretty quick in that first week that we were hilarious...and even more hilarious when together. We ended up becoming inseparable. We developed a relationship much like the one I had with Rachel. Not many (if any) knew one of us without the other. When we were apart people would ask where the other was and why we weren't with them. We were obviously the favorites in Burtenshaw (way obviously). haha.

Favorite memories include, but are not limited to:

-doing "rounds" in Bshaw (especially when it involved Hustle, C-Ray, Kepkay and LeVar, ....the whole downstairs really) hahaha

-"don't act outta breath"

-walks to the park with many different friends at many different times (perhaps my favorite trip being when it started POURING out of nowhere and we just booked it back to the dorms)

-the wave pool (with kelsey k hahaha)

-bonfires (the original couch burning, breaking countless tow ropes, riding the oil rig)

-volleyball in general (sharing a room with Courtney...and Olivia...) "yeah no kiddin"

-Suite 15....YOU'RE BORIN!

-Having the dorms to ourselves for DANCE PARTIES/SINGING PARTIES/Whitney Houston!!!

-Spring Break '06....and I guess '07 (but favorite for different reasons) haha
-ANNNDD sleepovers with your mattress on my floor

We have so many GREAT memories in our short 5 years of best friendship (and almost 3 of those years have been spent MILES apart). Heather is the friend I can go to with ANYTHING. She was one of two non-members on my volleyball team and I connected with her the most. She respects my beliefs and standards and has never expected me to change those. So many people were confused at our friendship because we were so different in so many ways...but I guess our similarities outweighed our differences.

Through the years I think we have become more similar in every way. We still disagree on some things, but I think we've just come to understand each other so well that I hardly notice our differences at all. I know exactly where she's coming from and vice versa. We have truly entered "adulthood" together. Grew-up and made changes together...went through a lot together...learned a lot together. I am so proud of us for being so extremely close while staying true to ourselves (however different we may be). I am grateful for our wonderful friendship and for the MANY similarities we have. I LOVE that there is never a time when we're together that we don't laugh hysterically at some point.

Heather: thanks for sharing the good times, the bad times, the laughter, the tears, the happiness, the sadness, the racquetball games, the rummikub nights, and just all the FUN. It's been a blast and you will forever be my best friend!! :)

Best Friendship: Part ONE

2010-02-05T09:11:00.000-08:00

" After all, if growing up is war, then the friends who grew up with you deserve a special respect. The ones who stuck by you shoulder to shoulder, in a time when nothing was certain, all life lay ahead, and every road led home."

- The Wonder Years

I remember the day when I walked into church out in Melba, Idaho for the first time and met my soon to be best friend, Rachel Christensen.

She was wearing a navy dress with white polka dots that had a HA-uge red bow around the waist. hahaha classic for the '90s. I introduced myself and she told me she had a sister named Maren. I don't remember saying much else to each other that day. Somehow, though, within the next little while, we became inseparable. I don't remember exactly when it happened, but it did. She became like a sister to me and we became two of the most similar people ever. We thought we were so cool and hilarious. I'm not sure we were either one...but we sure loved thinking we were!
Some of my favorite memories include:
- synchronizing our walkmans to play our favorite cds at the same exact time so we could sing together on the bus
- countless car rides together to practices, friends' houses, activities, "study" sessions, etc. during which we would spill secret crushes, gossip, and sing at the top of our lungs
- having EVERY class together our senior year...and laughing through every one (literally)
- the "note"book and our quote book
- our first (and only) sleepover before our senior trip to Lagoon
- Team 6, Harry Potter, Mafia, Ultimate Spoons
- being there for each other when hard things happened to one or the other

We were "Rachel and Maren" / "Maren and Rachel". Not many people knew one of us without the other. We grew up together. Spent our most awkward years together (the braces, bad hair, skinny-ness, bad outfits..man we were hot!)...and then some of the most fun years together. It was definitely a journey (look at us now!). Come junior year we decided we needed to win "Best Friends" in our senior year book. AND guess what?! We DID. We were voted by our senior class as the "best friends" of the Class of 2005. Go figure. I guess we were cool and hilarious after all.

We went our separate ways for college and stayed in touch a lot the first couple years. Then Rachel met her eternal best friend...her husband David. I am so incredibly happy for her. She is so happy and that makes me happy. It's hard to have a good relationship when we're at such different stages of our lives now...but I will always consider her one of my best friends. She has started her family with an adorable little girl and I can't wait to do the same in my life.

I miss Rachel all the time...but I know even though we aren't as good at staying in touch these days, we'll always have our good memories and a lifelong friendship. Love you Rach :)

I Love My Awesome Cousins (especially Loyd)

2010-02-04T20:58:00.001-08:00

Well I'd like to take a quick moment to say that Loyd (http://loydo38.blogspot.com/) is one of the coolest cousins you could ever have. He's pretty much my favorite...mostly because I'm HIS favorite by far...but also for other reasons.
All joking aside, though, he is pretty awesome. I remember him and his brother Chris giving us piggy-back rides everywhere when we were little. Even though he was older, he tried to connect with all of us younger cousins. I know us youngins were probably annoying at times...but I still have good memories with him despite the age (and maturity) difference.
Now that we've all grown up, I really appreciate his point of view on things. Whether I agree with him wholeheartedly, or believe he needs to rethink some things, I learn a lot from him. I really am glad we can connect on an adult level now.
You are definitely the best, Loyd!
(and I, like Loyd, will definitely accept any bribes from other cousins to receive a post similar to this one!)

Moral RIGHTS vs. Civil RIGHTS

2010-02-04T10:37:00.000-08:00

Okay okay...so basically I'm moderate girl living in a conservative world. I wouldn't consider myself a full blown liberal, BUT I do have some views that tend to fall into the liberal spectrum. The only thing that bothers me is when people assume that because of my beliefs on a certain legal point, my beliefs in the church change. I'm here to say they absolutely do not. There are things that morally/spiritually, I do not support...but legally (or on a individual rights basis), I do support. Shall we discuss a few of the big ones that people cannot handle: abortion, gay rights, the death penalty, and government control (you know...since Obama's a socialist). Does that cover most of the controversial topics that people bash? Those are the prominent ones coming to mind.

So here's how I see it (dun dun dunnnn...prepare yourselves): I have always been taught and I have always felt that I shouldn't judge anyone with a different belief than myself. This doesn't mean I have to live the way they live, or accept others' beliefs as my own...it just means I need to be open-minded to what others believe and hope they do the same for me.

Let me first quote a part of the Declaration of Independence: "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. That to secure these rights, governments are instituted among men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed. That whenever any form of government becomes destructive to these ends, it is the right of the people to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their safety and happiness." ...just keep that in mind.

When it comes to a choice such as abortion I think there is sooo much more to it than "it's murder". I know that there's a soul waiting to come to earth and experience the Plan of Happiness. I know that, I do. However, I feel it is important to let people exercise their right to choose. It's the whole free agency thing on a greater spectrum. We sit in church and discuss how important it was for us to be given free agency (to make mistakes, to experience our own triumphs, etc) but then when it comes to the real world, and not a Sunday school discussion, all of the sudden our free agency views change dramatically. I've seen the effect an abortion has on an individual. So many say "it's the easy way out"...I beg to differ. I think it is one of the hardest choices anyone will ever make AND it's a decision that you have to live with for the rest of your life. You can't let that one go. SO, though I do not suggest that route, nor would I take that route if for some reason I was in that situation, I believe that we must let a woman choose. There's no reason to put a ban on it. They deserve the legal right to make a choice and experience the blessings/consequences...just as we have free agency and can experience mistakes and triumphs.

Now we come to gay rights. Morally, it's wrong. I know it is. I believe in what the church leaders have said and what the scriptures say. In no way am I saying it is "right" (morally) to act on homosexual feelings. BUT i am saying it is a "right" that they should have. I guess this particular opinion came to me while taking my favorite class to date, "Civil Liberties". In that class we learned about Equal Rights in so many different ways. Equal rights for women, people of color, children, the elderly, etc. We studied the history of our basic civil rights and saw how people have received justice, and also those who received nothing but hate. Now I'm going to use the much quoted line in this argument...everyone deserves "life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness". Let people find happiness. It may not be your definition of happiness. It may not be your faith's definition of happiness. Let them have their own happiness. Now I can hear you saying, "but wickedness never was happiness"...let those choosing a different happiness figure that out on their own. They may never experience "true happiness" like many of us will, but at least they will be able to live without being afraid to show who they really are. Let them live. Once again, let them experience blessings or consequences. Who are we (or the government) to limit that pursuit?

When it comes to the death penalty I have a hard time with people being contradictory. So many say "abortion is murder...it's killing an innocent life", then those same people say in the same conversation "the death penalty is necessary...those that are guilty of murder deserve to die". Here's one for you: what if the person isn't guilty? What if that man or woman was wrongly accused (our legal system does, in fact, make mistakes sometimes)? An innocent person is then being killed. We now have the same argument from the abortion dilemma. Wasn't it the Savior himself that taught us to "turn the other cheek" (Matt. 5:39)? OR are we now going with "an eye for an eye" (I'm sorry...I'm not sure of the scriptural reference for that one)? I see how people could think the death penalty is fair and just...but to actually carry it out...no way. Let these criminals live. If I was given a life sentence, I might want to be put out of my misery with the death penalty. So I'm pretty sure their punishment is equal to the crime. Why take the risk of killing a wrongly accused man or woman? I know there's also the "cost" argument. Why keep them in jail if we can just get rid of them and open a spot/save money? Well folks, there are studies that show the cost of keeping them is just as much as the cost of killing them. So the cost issue is moot. They're taking up space? Well...get the homeless off the streets and stop them from committing crimes in order to get a bed in jail. Tackle problems in other places...not just the death penalty. Carry your beliefs across the entire spectrum...don't pick and choose where you can apply certain arguments.

Finally...we come to government control. Our country is heading towards communism. Obama's a socialist. How long til America becomes a dictatorship? Blah blah blah. What'd I leave out? We will not get to the extreme of becoming a communist country. It just won't get that extreme that fast. We are worrying way too much about that. It can't happen in one presidency and it won't. I guess my views on this topic came from one of my least favorite classes to date, "Ideas of America". We had to discuss the nation's financial situation (comparing it to the crash of the 1930s) and the role governments do/should play in running a country. I decided through all my studying that government control may not be too bad in small doses at certain times. Yes, we need to have our rights. No, we should not let the government take full control. BUT sometimes, in an economy that is struggling so badly, it will take some government regulation to get things jump started. Will it be an instantaneous fix? No. It's going to look bad before anything changes. The positives will not come for some time. So is Obama going to continue to be accused of such socialism? YEP. Long-term benefits can eventually come. I agree that it seems near impossible with the budget he's introduced...but let's hope for a brighter day. The government is trying to help. He did not take office to ruin us. No one wants failure on their record. At least he's being proactive and TRYING something. No matter what any candidate would have done in this term, everyone would have a problem with it somehow. Socialism? No way. Temporary government control to try to help this economy? I think so. Give it a chance. But don't let your basic rights disappear. Relax and let the world turn.

So that's my lengthy post on how I feel. And you know what? ...if this world does turn into a terrible place because of certain beliefs then guess what?!...we're right on track. We are told in Matt. 24:12 that before the Second Coming "iniquity shall abound, the love of many shall wax cold". We are going to live in an evil world. We just will. It's been prophesied, and it will happen (it MUST happen). So let's all focus on OUR morals and standards. Focus on sharing the gospel with anyone that will listen. Share your happiness with those willing to accept it. The very next verse in Matthew (24:13) says "but he that shall endure unto the end, the same shall be saved". I am not promoting wickedness...though sometimes I think it would be nice to hurry along the signs of the Second Coming...but I think we need to allow others their rights. Let them live. Let them make mistakes. Let them figure it out. Let them come to their own understanding. All we can do is endure to the end and share what we know with the world. We cannot take an other's rights away. We shouldn't. We cannot allow the government to do so either. Aren't you all the ones that think there is too much government control? Don't let them control others' rights if you don't want them to control YOURS.

So there you have it. In no way do my political beliefs affect my spiritual beliefs. I still have as strong of testimony as ever. I love serving in my ward, I love being a member of the Church, I love living by its standards. Wouldn't have it any other way. So let me support what I want to support. I have never received an answer to prayer that says I should feel differently...and I hope you all have really thought about how you SHOULD feel on these matters. Not just what you THINK you should believe.

Bring On My Future!!

2010-02-03T13:50:00.000-08:00

At FHE the other night, we listened to a talk by Elder Holland. Now this may not seem like a super enjoyable FHE activity for a singles ward...but for some reason I really appreciated the talk and it really hit home for me. Most of the talk was about forgetting past sins and forgiving yourself completely. Eventhough this was the main theme of Holland's talk, it wasn't what hit me. Instead, I was more impressed by his council to not dwell in the past at all...no matter how good or bad it may have been. I think it's as easy to dwell on a time that was better as it is to dwell on a time that was full of mistakes. I feel I'm in that place right now. This "inbetween" stage for me is weird.

There are so many fun/good things that have happened in the past several years for me that I feel I'll never be able to have such a great time again. Playing college volleyball was such an amazing opportunity for me to make wonderful friends, travel fun places, and experience a lot of growth. I'm pretty much used to not having it anymore...but I often reflect on the fun times and wish I could go back. Elder Holland suggested that we not yearn for old times, but instead look forward to a good future. At this point, I just want to start my new future as a law student. I'm ready to stop looking back on "fun times" and instead look forward to "better times".

There are so many things coming up for me. I'm turning 23 in less than a week and I still have so much to do in my life. I guess I shouldn't continue to miss the old times so much and I should focus on making the brightest future possible. I wish it was easier to do. I wish I could look forward to my future with so much faith that I didn't have any doubts or fears. But it happens...worries come when the future is unsure. It's an exciting yet critical time for me and it just so happens that at the time I've been thinking SOOO much about it, Elder Holland's talk came into my life.

So to finish things up, here is part of his talk that really hit me. His whole talk is amazing and can be found on byub.org.

“Is there any future for me? What does a new year, or a new semester, or a new major, or a new romance hold for me? Will I be safe? Will life be sound? Can I trust in the Lord and in the future? Or would it be better to look back, to go back, to go home? To all such of every generation I call out, ‘Remember Lot’s wife.’ Faith is for the future. Faith builds on the past but never longs to stay there. Faith trusts that God has great things in store for each of us and that Christ is the ‘high priest of good things to come.’ I pray you will have a wonderful semester, a wonderful year, a wonderful life all filled with faith and hope and charity. Keep your eyes on your dreams, however distant, and live to see the miracles of repentance and forgiveness, trust and divine love transform your life today, tomorrow, and forever.”
-Jeffery R. Holland ("Remember Lot’s Wife" January 2009 BYU Devotional)

Time to let go of worries and fears and know that God has great things in store for me. So I'm going to keep my eyes on my dreams, though they seem distant and sometimes impossible.

Here we goooo!

2010-02-03T13:47:00.000-08:00

Well it turns out I've had a lot of things on my mind lately and I thought to myself, "Well why not share all of that crazy stuff with the world wide web?". I don't think I'm really doing it for others...more for myself. So we'll see how this goes.